Burning Bridge
by EuropeanDreams
Summary: Which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn? How do you choose when your own house burns down? Have fun figuring that out Kim. A helping hand gets extended by the last person she would expect and she finds herself actually taking him up on it. M rating just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Ok, so I lied. To myself apparently. I just needed to take a nap. Darn fickle muse. Just had to spring this idea in my head. You know the drill. Let me know. Happy Monday!

* * *

 _Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. ~Italian Proverb_

I could hear shrieking. What was that high pitched annoying noise that brought me right out of a deep sleep? I look to my clock and note that it is three in the morning. What in God's name is going on? That's when it hits me. It was the smoke alarm. And it wasn't just for my apartment. It was for the whole building. I jump out of the bed like the damn thing is on fire and I shove my feet in the shoes that are still next to the bed. I had stumbled in at midnight after working overtime, so I had been lucky that I had even made it to bed. I am blindly grabbing my work bag and heading out of the door before I even think about what I am doing. When I look down the hallway, the smoke is already making the space hazy.

Mrs. Allen! Oh God, will she even hear the noise? I start running to her door since she is older and I'm worried she would just ignore the commotion. Luckily, she is opening her door just as I reach it. Relief consumes me as we grab each others hand and head for the exit. We are making our way across the street and I look back. My heart immediately sinks. The whole third floor is already engulfed in flames. They lick the side of the building from out of the windows like a dog licking his lips at a new meal. It was fast and wild and I knew in that moment that it would hit my apartment soon. So much for those design ideas I was thinking of.

Sirens. I can hear them now out in the distance. A part of me is relieved to know that they are on their way. However, I also know that they won't be able to save a thing. As I step up onto the curb on the opposite side of the street, I instinctively wrap an arm around Mrs. Allen which is when I realize that she has forgotten a coat. Shit. Look who's talking. I wasn't any smarter. The cold is finally starting to seep through the long sleeve t-shirt that I had thrown on before bed. Well, there goes my CPD coat and my cellphone which is currently sitting on my night stand. Oh well. Not going back in that blazing inferno for something as trivial as that. My neighbors are still pouring out of the building and are making their way over to where we are standing. I'm glad to see the O'Ryan's and the Smith's. Two of the families with small kids. They are whole and safe, but obviously scared.

The sirens are blaring loud now and I'm happy to see the truck pull up outside. As the firefighters start to pour out of the rig, I realize that I recognize every single one of them. House 51 was ready to work. I don't even pay attention to what they are yelling back and forth to each other. I know the reality. They are not going to be able to do much. The fourth floor is already billowing out dark, thick smoke and then a window on the second floor breaks and flames start coming out of it. It was the apartment next to mine. I can feel Mrs. Allen's shoulders begin to shake as she starts to cry. My heart breaks in that moment. The poor woman had just lost her husband the year before. Life could be so cruel sometimes. I look up as Lt. Casey begins to head in our direction.

"Burgess?"

I nod as he makes his way up to us.

"This is your place? Where is your coat?"

I point to the burning building and Casey frowns. He runs back towards the truck and begins to start pulling blankets out of the truck and is then yelling for the rest of the firefighters to help. He makes his way back to us and then begins to wrap Mrs. Allen up in one of the blankets before handing one to me.

"I'm sorry, Kim. There's nothing we can do at this point, but contain it."

"I know. I understand."

"How long has it been going?"

"I don't know. By the time the alarm woke me up and we got out here, the third floor was already completely in flames."

Casey did not look happy. He excused himself and headed back to the truck. I stay next to Mrs. Allen. We just continue to watch the flames eat at that brick building and I know that it will completely gut the inside. It was strange to be watching so much that I had worked so hard for basically be going up in smoke. But what else was I going to do? The fire had all of us in a trance. You couldn't take your eyes off of it. That's when it hit me. It would all be gone. No little spot to call my own. No leaky kitchen sink. No noisy radiator. I had no idea how attached I had become to that place.

More sirens. I look up as I see several black cars make their way up to the scene. Surprise is an understatement when I see Voight get out of the lead SUV. He heads straight for Chief Boden and they begin conversing about something as they point to my building. That's odd. Intelligence is not normally called to building fires. The next thing I see is Atwater and Ruzek jogging straight for me. Kevin reaches me first and wraps me in a bear hug that is quick but full of concern. As he pulls back, Adam is right behind him. This hug is so different. Adam has tucked my head right under his chin and his arms have a touch of almost desperation. I hate to admit it but I could have stayed there forever. In his arms, I feel safe. In his arms, I feel like things will be okay. He lets go and steps back. We've developed the strangest of friendships at this point. We have not talked about a thing, but have almost gone back to an alternate reality of what our friendship could have been if we had not been together. We aren't texting friends or drinking buddies, but we aren't avoiding each other anymore. We also aren't avoiding touching each other. It's a strange dance that I am not sure how much longer we were going to be able to keep up. I then feel Erin pull on my arm in order to wrap me in a hug. That's when I note that I am also surrounded by Antonio, Jay, and Olinsky. As Erin finally lets me go, I address the rest of them.

"What are all of you doing here?"

Atwater answered.

"The Chief called Voight. Said that this is the third apartment building to go up in the last few days. They are starting to see a pattern and the arson unit wanted us to be in the loop quickly. How you doing? You ok?"

"I'm fine. They think this could be arson, too?"

"Won't know till they can get in there and see what's what."

That may have been what Atwater said, but I saw the look in his eye. They were pretty sure that this would be the same thing. I pull the blanket tighter around myself. I wasn't cold, but it was a comfort thing at this point. I watch as Adam shrugs out of his jacket and then places it over my shoulders. I was going to protest, but saw the look in his eye. No argument was going to work. I let it sit on my shoulders and just breath in the smell of his cologne. A much better thing to be filling my nose with than the smell of the smoke from the fire. Erin places a hand on my arm as she redirects the conversation.

"Do you know where you are going to go? Do you have a place to stay?"

I see Atwater grimace.

"You know I would offer, but we already have my cousin crashing on our couch."

"It's okay, Kev. I know."

"Jay and I have a couch if you want."

Ugh. So not the best option. Especially since Erin's room did not exactly have doors. It was more of a studio apartment masquerading as a one bedroom. Adam clears his throat.

"I know you will say no, but I have a spare room. Might be more comfortable than a couch."

I could feel the group almost collectively back off from that one, but I found myself looking right at Adam. Why was I even considering it? I should say no. It would be weird. It would be a bad idea.

"OK."

What did I just say? How in the world did my tongue just make a decision for me? I watch Adam blink like he wasn't sure he just heard me right, but then the next second he is taking his keys out of his pocket. He pulls off one of them and places it in my hand.

"Since I won't know how late we are going to be."

I can feel myself nodding and I am just fully realizing that I have agreed to this. Voight is now calling the unit over and they all reach out to me before heading that way. I then note that I am still wearing Adam's jacket.

"Adam."

He turns back and I pull it off to hand to him.

"Thank you, but you're going to need that."

He takes it from me and smiles before catching up with the group. What in the world am I getting myself into?

* * *

Post note: Sorry if there are grammer/punctuation errors. I did some major editing and I might have missed some stuff.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** If you are expecting warm and fluffy bunnies from this story... Don't expect them any time soon. Well, ok. I guess there are a few sweet moments. Adam is nothing if not a sweetheart down deep. Thank you so much for the reviews and follows. Hope you are all having a good Wednesday!

* * *

 _Fire burns brighter in the darkness._

Walking into Adam's apartment was a surreal experience. I'd been in the place how many times? Not like this. I turn on the main light and see that not much has changed. Same couch. Same flat screen mounted on the wall. Same kitchen island. Maybe one too many empty bottles of beer in the trash mixed with a bottle of Jameson. Um…that's not normal. Not going to focus on that. I begin to head down the hall and find myself actually having to stop myself from heading all the way back to his room. Whoa girlfriend. Back that up. So don't want to go in there. Last thing I need is to fall asleep in his bed with the scent of him all around me. Bad, bad idea. I take the few steps back to the spare room and open the door. Futon and workout equipment. Nothing has changed here. I drop my bag on the floor and then lay down on the futon. I know sleep is going to take me fast. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted which means not even my neurotic brain can keep me up.

* * *

I can hear something coming from the kitchen. I have no idea what time it is or how long I have been sleeping. But, that really doesn't matter. I get up from the futon and rub my eyes. I walk out of the room and then back down the hallway. I find Adam in the kitchen just cracking a beer. To say he looks tired would be stating the obvious. He looks up as he hears my feet padding into the living area. He holds the beer out to me in offer and I can't refuse. I could use the drink. I walk up and take it as he goes to get another one. I sit down on one of the stools that are around the island and he leans back against the counter. We both just sip at our beers. This was the weird I was worried about. We haven't been alone together since we were a couple. I don't know what to say. I don't…

"How are you doing?"

Well, I guess he does.

"I'm ok. It hasn't sunk in yet."

But, now that he mentions it. Crap. I have nothing but what is in my work bag. Which right now, it holds my service weapon, my wallet, a set of dirty gym clothes and my running shoes. Great. Adam goes to pick something up off the floor and sets a drug store bag on the island. I look up to him and he nods towards the bag. I open it and am shocked. It's everything that I ever use. Right down to the correct mascara and facial cleanser. I don't know what to say. I look back at him and he is just shaking his head.

"Don't sweat it. I figured you might want to be able to take a shower this morning."

"Thank you. What time is it anyway?"

"Almost six."

I scrub my face. I shouldn't be drinking this beer.

"I've got work at noon. When are you supposed to head back in?"

Adam shrugs.

"We are going to pow wow at about three."

"Ok. You don't happen to have a clock or something I can use to wake me up at about eleven?"

"I'll wake you."

"Aren't you going to get some sleep?"

"Don't worry about me. I'll wake you up."

"Ok. Thank you."

"No problem."

I take the shopping bag and head back to the spare room. I set it down next to my bag and lay back down. I should be worried about what has happened. I find myself worrying about Adam. About how he doesn't look like he is sleeping much. How he has a trash can full of empty soldiers. But even that worry can't keep me awake.

* * *

I'm waking from the strangest of dreams. I can smell Adam around me but I can feel that I am alone in bed. I feel the light touch of his hand caress my face as he pushes my hair away from my eyes. I can hear my name fall from his lips, but I know he isn't lying beside me. It makes my heart hurt. I can feel the tears want to come to my eyes. I hear my name again. His hand is now traveling down my jaw caressing it with the lightest of touches. I know he is not near because he would normally kiss me now. That doesn't happen. I feel his hand touch my shoulder and he is now gently shaking it. I open my eyes and reality comes back to me. I am staring into his brown eyes that are red and swollen from just waking up. I guess he set his alarm to wake himself so he could wake me. He is in pajama pants and nothing else. I see the look of concern on his face as he looks at me. I realize that the tears that I had felt coming on in my dream are now real as they travel down my cheeks. He wipes them away with the pad of his thumb.

"Bad dream?"

I just nod my head. I can't talk when he is touching me. It hurts too much. He finally stands up once he has wiped away the last one.

"You know where the towels are. I'll see you tonight after work. You can stay as long as you need to, Kim. Till you find a new place."

"Thank you."

Finally, my tongue decides to work.

"You can quit thanking me. I would do this for any of my friends."

I watch as Adam leaves the room, but something that he said bugs me. He said he would do this for any of his friends. We aren't friends. Not in the traditional sense. Would he do this for any of his ex's? Not something I should be questioning. I might not like the answer I would get. I get up and finally get moving.

* * *

Walking into work was a relief in some ways. Finally, something to keep my mind off the fire and off of Adam. I change into my uniform which thankfully I had hung up in my locker the night before. I'd have to be purchasing another one after work tonight, but at least I would make it through today. Or I guess I should have thought that through. The shop would be closed. I guess Tay and I will have to take a personal during our shift. I make my way up to the front and find Tay and Platt waiting for me.

"Kim, are you okay?"

I appreciate Tay's concern. I really do. I just don't want to deal with things right now.

"I'm fine. Thank you for asking. I really just want to get to work."

Platt just glares.

"Good. Here's your keys. Get going."

I take them and head for the parking lot. Our patrol is relatively uneventful which does not help with keeping my mind distracted. We are parked at an address for homicide which they wanted us to keep marked for the next thirty minutes when Tay decides to bring things up again.

"Are you really okay? Where are you staying? I'd offer, but I barely fit in my place."

I shake my head.

"I understand. It's not a big deal. I am dealing. It's just stuff, right? I guess that's the way I should be thinking about it."

"And you're staying where?"

She was not going to let this go, was she? Nonchalant. Try to pull this off like it's no big deal.

"Umm… I'm staying at Adam's."

I didn't have to look. I could hear Tay's eyebrows raise up to her hairline.

"Really?! Well, that's awkward."

"It's fine."

"For now. Are you staying there again tonight?"

Oh, I can hear her opinion in that question.

"That's the plan."

"How long are you planning on staying?"

"I don't know, Tay. Could we please not discuss this? I have enough on my mind."

"Ok. Just try not to sleep with him. Unless you want to?"

Ugh. I drop my forehead on the steering wheel and I can hear Tay laughing. That is so not funny.

* * *

Post note: I like Tay. I think she would have a ball with this situation. :)


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thank you so much for all the reviews! Obviously this story is going to deal with how complicated their relationship is. Living together is just going to make that worse. You can't hide well from someone when you share living space. Happy reading!

* * *

 _Sometimes we crash and burn. It's better to do it in private. – Dean Kamen_

The end of our shift comes and I realize that any errands I might want to run are going to have to wait till morning. I need to eat and sleep. Well, probably see if Adam has any laundry that needs to be done so I can wash the one set of workout clothes that I have as well as the new uniform I purchased. I shoulder my way into Adam's apartment and don't hear a thing. The quiet bothers me. I guess he is still out. I set my bags on the island and then get out my uniform to cut the tags off the new clothes. Where did he keep the scissors? That's right. In the desk in his room. Nope. Still not going in there. He should have a steak knife in here somewhere. I find one and work carefully to not tear the new gear. Once the clothes are all tag less, I head to his laundry closet and see that he hasn't changed habits much. Adam never saw the point in a laundry basket. Why use one when you can just throw your clothes in the washer? Works the same way, right? Boys. However, at least I wouldn't be wasting water on just the little I had. I made sure there wasn't anything in there that would ruin the uniform and then I start it. I was heading back towards the kitchen when I almost ran right into his chest. He grabs my arms to keep me from stumbling and my skin where he is touching me just wants to tingle. I look up into his eyes and I swear that I am affecting him as much as he is affecting me. It's the look I'm getting. That all I want to do is touch you. Kiss you. I take a step back for my own good, but in some ways… It doesn't help. I need to talk. I need to break this tension.

"I didn't hear you come in. Um… I started a load of laundry. I hope that's okay."

"It's fine. I realized that you don't have a phone today."

"How did you realize that?"

"I sent you a couple messages and they never read received. I figured you must have run out without it."

"Yeah, I did."

Adam pulls out an iPhone from his pocket and hands it to me. I take it and just stare at it.

"What's this?"

"Your new phone."

"I can't take this. It must of cost you…"

"Nothing. My cousin works over at the store on West St. He looked up your contract and everything. Said you were due for an upgrade anyway. I mean it isn't the newest one, but I figured you would need something. You'll have to download all your contacts, but at least you've got your number back."

"Adam."

"Don't thank me, again. Ok? Have you had dinner yet?"

"No."

"I'll order something. Fridge is pretty barren. Chinese work?"

"Sure."

Adam turns back down the hallway to head to the kitchen. I look down at the phone in my hand and can't believe that he is being this nice to me.

* * *

I am sitting on the couch with Adam and the Thursday night football game is on the TV. I'm picking at my fried rice as the whole thing begins to hit me. I don't know why. Maybe I am finally relaxing for the first time, but I can feel Adam watching me. I try to smile as I look up at him, but I know it isn't working.

"Nice try. What's wrong?"

I put my fork down in the container and try to cover my eyes with my hand. Because it is all too much. I feel stupid crying over stuff. Adam takes the container from me and deposits it on the coffee table. He pulls me into his arms and he just lets me cry. It's the ugly cry. You know. The gasping, snot producing, full on water works cry. I realize that it is so much more than just the fire. It's the last year catching up to me. It's Adam's kindness towards me when he really has no reason to do so. It's all the trauma and heart ache coming out in one burst of emotion. Adam holds me through the whole thing. He doesn't speak, but his arms are squeezing me so tight as if he thinks holding me with enough force will fix the pain. Why does he care? As I finally begin to pull myself together, I realize this was probably the worst time to break down. I mean. I am basically crying about the complete mess I have made of our relationship. I also realize that I am holding onto Adam as hard as he was holding me. I try to hide my face from him as I go to pull away. He grips my upper arms and holds me in place.

"Don't hide from me, Kim. I can't stand it when you do that."

It takes all my strength to look up at him. I don't like for him to see how messed up I am. I don't like the fact that all that emotion just got put out there.

"I know that was about more than just the fire. You've been through a lot. You've lost a partner and someone you really loved after something truly scary. I get it. You don't have to hide that from me."

If he really thought that was about Roman or that I felt that way, he had no clue. Sure it was part of it, but it wasn't even close to the real cause.

"That wasn't about Roman. I need to wash my face off."

I go to get up, but Adam just holds me in place.

"What was it about then?"

I shake my head. Nope. Not going there. I try to shrug his hands off my arms, but they don't move. He looks at me and I don't know what he saw in my eyes, but he finally let go. He sits back against the couch and I get up before we start talking again. I wash my face in the bathroom and take the breather that I needed. I head back into the living room and I find Adam pouring himself about two fingers of whiskey in a glass. His phone is on the counter next to the glass and I can tell he had just been using it since the screen is still lit up. He turns it off when he realizes that I am coming back and he quickly swallows the whiskey down.

"I don't recall you drinking this much in the past."

Adam places the glass down and then points at me while looking at his phone.

"Don't."

"I can't express concern."

"If you don't want to open up, don't you dare ask me to."

It's a challenge. In that moment, I really look at Adam. He's lost some weight, and there is something missing from his eyes. That flame of joy that I am so used to seeing is not burning as bright. That truly scares me. To me, that is the soul of Adam. His absolute love of life is at the very core of who he is. If something has begun to dim that…. The very core of me wants to slay the cause. But there is a price for that information. I can feel myself pushing my hands into the pockets of my jeans. I'm weighing the cost of the can of worms that I am going to open.

"I didn't think so."

"You didn't give me a chance. Could you give me a minute?"

"No. I have to go deal with something."

"You can't drive. How are you going to deal with something?"

"My cousin is picking me up. I'll be back in a couple hours. Good night, Kim."

Adam grabs his coat and phone and heads out of the door. I put my face in my hands as I stand there. How in the world am I supposed to tell him that my breakdown had absolutely nothing to do with Roman, but everything to do with him and the complete mess that I had made of my life?


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Well, I am sweating this next chapter. Simply because it is out of my comfort zone. I am not one for typically writing love scenes. Just not my thing. Have always lived by the mantra that less is more and to leave room for imagination for people when it comes to that. This story does not leave much room for that, but I still left some. I would not have written this chapter if I did not feel that it showed something that was going on with these two in this world. Keeping that in mind, if you are not comfortable with that...well, why are you reading an M rated fic? Sorry, just being honest. Happy Reading!

 **Warning:** For sexual situations.

* * *

 _Desire, burning desire, is basic to achieving anything beyond the ordinary._

 _–_ _Joseph B. Wirthlin_

It's well past midnight when I hear the door open to the apartment. I had left the door to my room cracked open because I wanted to make sure he got home in one piece. I can hear him moving around in the kitchen and it doesn't sound like he is going to head for bed, yet. I know I shouldn't, but I get out of bed and head for the kitchen. I can feel goosebumps pop up on my arms since I am only wearing a tank top and my pajama pants. As I step into the kitchen, I see that Adam is leaning on the kitchen island with his head down. He doesn't even look up initially when I walk in. He wipes his face with his hand and then finally looks up. He looks like hell. Like he just went ten rounds with a fighter without the bruises and the swollen face.

"Adam."

I know my concern was oozing all over his name when I said it. He shakes his head at me.

"Don't. Go to bed, Kim."

He starts to go to walk past me, but I try to get in his path. He grips my arms and moves me to the side till I am up against the wall. His body is pressing mine into the wall as much as his hands are. His eyes look haunted in ways that are hard to describe. The pain in them breaks my heart. I may be the one pinned, but that doesn't keep me from acting. I kiss his lips with mine despite knowing that it is the worst of ideas. The kiss I receive back is rough and brutal in intensity. I feel like the lifeline that Adam is holding onto and he is mine.

My brain should be asking what in the world is going on with us? Why did I kiss him? Why is he kissing me back? Where do I think, this is really going to get us? My heart could care less. I can feel his teeth graze across my lips and then little nips as he goes to seek re-entry. I open to him because I don't want to do anything else. His tongue is plundering mine and I can taste only the slightest hint of the whiskey from earlier. Wherever he was, he wasn't drinking. He finally let's go of my arms and I wrap them around his neck as he lifts me up and then presses me back into the wall. I need air. I need to breath. My chest is burning from the lack of oxygen. I pull my mouth away from his to take a gasp of breath and then he is attacking my neck. He is sucking on that spot right where my neck and shoulder meet and I immediately begin to grind my hips against him in response. He knows that sets me off. He knows my weaknesses all too well. I feel my legs and arms wrapping around him like a boa constrictor, so I can keep him pressed as close as possible. He pulls me off the wall and begins to walk us down the hallway.

This is a bad idea. This is such a bad idea. We are a powder keg of issues and this is not going to fix any of them. He presses me up against the wall next to his room again and releases his hold on my neck. I have no time to contemplate the massive hickey I am going to have in the morning. His lips are back on mine and he is not going to let me think. I can tell. I feel his hand push up the tank top I am wearing and when he comes into contact with my skin all thoughts in my head are gone. Toast. There's no stopping this. To hell with good ideas. He is pulling me off the wall again and I know we are in his room. We land on his bed hard and I'm done reacting at this point. My hands are shoving the jacket that he still has on off his shoulders and he is trying to untie my pajama pants at the same time. He finally gives up and pulls his jacket off and then pulls his shirt over his head. He grips the waist band of my pants and just yanks them off. I can feel the string break against my hip bones. Something else I am going to have to buy. He is already pushing his jeans off his own hips and then he is back on top of me. He looks into my eyes and I know he is giving me this one last chance. I nod my head quickly and then kiss him as hard as I can.

* * *

His weight on me is a comfort and a discomfort at the same time. I know when my brain starts to come back online, when I note that I left scratch marks across Adam's back. Well, that had to of hurt. I feel the small kisses begin to pepper my neck. Then they are going down the center of my chest. Oh, hell. He's not done. His lips are then feathering across my rib cage. I thread my fingers through his hair and grip it hard. I try to pull him back up to me. He just keeps kissing my ribs and my stomach. I can feel myself arching into him. It's going to be a long night. I know because instead of try to push him away, I am now pulling him to me. He pulls me on top of him and then he sits us up. His face is now in front of mine and we are just breathing each other in. I give up. I will let him make love to me all night. If this is how he is needing to work out whatever demons are eating at him, then so be it. I see it then. That flame in his eyes is back. The essence of him is still there. I kiss him and let us begin the dance, again.

* * *

I wake up the next morning to an empty bed. My heart feels shredded into a million pieces at that point. What did I expect? I bury my head back into my pillow as I feel the tears wanting to come. I bite my tongue to try and stop them. I lift my head up and then notice the yellow post it note on Adam's pillow. I pick it up and read it.

 _Called into work. I am so sorry. I didn't want to wake you. I'll see you tonight._

I don't know how to take that. He got called into work? I am a bundle of emotions and I just can't sit there. I get out of the bed and head for the bathroom. This is when I assess the damage. Three or four hickeys on various parts of my body. One black and blue mark on my hip which I am pretty sure was my fault when I hit the corner of the night stand at some point. And one seriously confused heart. Yep, I'm a mess. I jump in the shower to try and get my head screwed on straight and then get ready for work. I need a vacation. Preferably on a beach. With fruity drinks that have tiny umbrellas in them. As, Adam lathers me in sunscreen. Um… forget that last part.

I go through the normal routine with Tay and we are getting ready to head out on patrol when Platt calls us back in. She informs us that Intelligence has requested us for back up on a raid. We head to the location that they are already in route to and pull up to the spot requested. Atwater and Ruzek are already parked in front of us. Great. This is not how I want to see him for the first time. I go to get out of the car, so we can find out what in the world we are here for. That's when we hear shots ring out about a block over. I run back to my car and Tay is filling me in on the radio call as I throw the car in gear. I follow Atwater as he drives to the scene. The suspect that they were after must of made Antonio as police and tried to take shots at him. Big mistake on his part. Voight already had the man down on the sidewalk with a gun to his head.

"When will you idiots learn? Come in nice and you get nice back. Come out blazing…you are lucky I haven't given you a flesh wound."

Voight steps back and lets Erin finish cuffing him. I put my window down as I see Atwater walking to my side of the car.

"I guess you guys don't need us after all."

Atwater chuckles.

"I guess not. See you guys back at the district."

"See you." I go to put the window up and look towards the front of the car. I see Adam waiting for Kevin, but he is looking right at me. He gives me this coy little smile as he is looking over the edge of his sunglasses. He loses it as he turns his attention to Kevin when the big man turns towards him.

"What was that?"

I look over to Tay and try to pull off clueless.

"What was what?"

Tay just raises that eyebrow.

"That look. That was a loaded look."

"From Atwater?"

"No, silly. Adam. You think I'm going to be deterred that easily? What happened?"

"Nothing."

OK. I know that wasn't convincing. I put the car in gear and maneuver it so we can get back to patrol. Tay is not buying it since she is still staring at me.

"That was not nothing."

"Just leave it alone."

"Are you leaving IT alone?"

I grimace at that double entendre because I swear Tay was wagging her eyebrows as she said it.

"That would be a no."

I grimace again at Tay's remark.

"You are playing with fire, Kim. Haven't you had enough of that?"

Oh, I don't know. What's a couple more third degree burns to my heart? I feel like it has been beaten up enough. It can take it, right?


	5. Chapter 5

AN: So sorry for the delay. I imagine that this will probably happen more since we are fast approaching the holiday season. To all of those going to costume parties this weekend, have a blast and Happy Halloween! To Moniii: Talk? Oh! They're supposed to talk? LOL! Enjoy!

* * *

 _We about to get a little tangled up right about now  
So girl let's keep burnin' it down -Jason Aldean_

As I'm walking up to Adam's door, I am starting to really think about Tay's question. Haven't I had enough? If I was a rational human being, I would pack up my stuff and leave. I would wrap my heart up in bubble wrap and save myself from any more heart ache. I'm not a rational human being. The feelings I have for Adam are not the type to go away. I can face that reality now. I couldn't excise him from my life and get over him. I couldn't force myself to fall in love with someone else to get over him. I can't just wish them away and think that anything will change. I can admit to myself that I still love him. Admitting that to him, when I know I have hurt him more than anyone deserves is a different story. He will reject me. I know this. I don't care what happened last night. I just feel it in my bones. I put him through too much. And whatever he has going on now will not make him want to let me in. Does that mean that I give up? Hell, no. I just have to pray that I am strong enough to go through whatever he puts me through to let me back in. I place my key in the door and open it to the last thing I expected to see. I grip the shopping bags I am carrying tighter because I can feel the tension in the room.

"Hi Kim."

Adam's greeting is a contradiction in and of itself. He may have said Hi, but that is not what his voice was telling me. It was choked out of his throat and I can see in his face that he is trying to keep a million emotions in check. His father is standing across the island from him and I only recognize him from the numerous times he has been featured in the patrolmen newsletter.

"Great. Maybe she can talk some sense into you."

"It's a family matter, Pop. How about we fucking keep it that way?"

Damn. One, I know that Adam loves his father even if he has kept a bit of a distant relationship with him. The fact that he snapped that way tells me that whatever they were discussing is something that is very important to him. Two, the last part hurt. Me. I know I shouldn't take it personal. We aren't together. But still.

"I can come back later."

Please tell me that I didn't sound as desperate to leave as I think I did.

"No, Kim. My Pops was just leaving."

I watch Bob Ruzek shake his head with a look that screams disappointment.

"This does not end this discussion, Son. I'll call you."

Adam wipes his face with his hand before responding to his Dad.

"I imagine you will. Good night."

"Good night. They shouldn't be putting all of this on you."

"Enough, Pop."

I watch Bob make his way past me to head to the door. His eyes seem to be pleading with me. I have never met him so I have no idea what he wants from me. I hear the door shut and I then look to Adam. I can see that he is trying to control his breathing. I can also see that he is going to try and redirect the conversation. I speak before he can.

"What shouldn't you be doing? Whose asking you to do something?"

Adam turns and walks out of the room. I normally would consider myself to be a smart individual, but I have my moments. I follow him. Shopping bags and all. As we pass the spare room, I toss them in there and continue to follow him to the back of the apartment. He stops before he goes to walk into his room and turns back to face me.

"Quit following me. Unless, you would like to jump in the shower with me and help me forget that conversation?"

"Adam, what is going on?"

"Sorry, I've done enough talking today."

He turns and then shuts the door in my face. Ok. He's done talking. Don't do it. Don't you dare do it. I open the door. He turns to look at me as I walk through the door. He was in the process of taking his shirt off and he finishes the task as he stares at me.

"Come to try and get me to spill my guts?"

I stalk up to him as I reply.

"I thought you said you were done talking."

I watch him drop his shirt on the floor and then close the distance between us. He takes my face in his hands and begins to rub my cheek with his thumb. I watch his eyes. The bravado and the wall are gone from them. I feel his hands pull against my head as he dips down to take my lips. The raw need that comes through that kiss takes my breath away. Adam releases my head and my lips, but keeps his face only inches from mine as he wraps his arms around my waist. I can feel my hands work my way up his arms before he begins to speak.

"I am done. I just can't right now."

I barely have a coherent thought in my head when he kisses me again. I just let him use all that emotion to tell me physically what is going on with him. I felt a hundred emotions in the way he kissed me. Fear, Anger, Sadness, Love, Desperation and the tiniest glimmer of hope. The hope came through in his looks. The pauses between action where he would still for only that moment as he was looking for something in me. I have no idea if I was giving him what he needed in return, but I must have been. Because he didn't stop.

* * *

I'm lying on his chest trying to organize my thoughts as I catch my breath. The man is trying to wear me out. Or himself. I'm not sure which. Or maybe it's both. No matter what way it is, he's got to talk about what is going on. I go to open my mouth, but he is already speaking.

"Quit thinking, Kim. Quit over thinking this."

"Adam..."

"No. Just stop."

I push myself up so I am looking at him.

"You know I can't do that. I can understand if you don't want to talk to me, but you've got to talk to someone."

Adam's eyes look tired which just makes me more determined.

"Adam, you don't look like you've slept."

I see a quick flash of humor creep up in his eyes and then that smile graces his face.

"Well, I didn't last night. Which I recall you having a hand in that."

Oh, damn him. He knows that is not what I meant. I go to take a breath to open my mouth again, but his finger lands on my lips.

"Not tonight. I am tired. I need to sleep. Stay, please."

It was a plea. I could feel all my defenses shatter at that simple plea. I close my eyes in surrender and then lower myself back onto his chest. His one arm wraps around me to tuck me into his side and he places the smallest kiss onto the top of my head. It's the first truly affectionate display he has done and I'm not even sure if he realizes he did it. His breath has evened out and I can tell that sleep has already taken him. I begin to nibble on my thumbnail as I realize that I am truly playing with fire and most likely I am going to get burned.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** Quick little chapter... which means in my world that the next one will be a doozy. Happy Reading!

* * *

 _There's a side of me that just won't stop_

 _Dancin' in the flame_

 _Maybe I just get off on the pain. -Gary Allan_

Well, I guess I'm going to have to get used to getting burned. He's gone again. It's morning and I am once again waking to an empty bed. I guess I am truly crazy. Keep repeating the same action and expecting a different outcome. The post it note is pink this time and work is still the excuse. Still has the apology but the ending is different.

 _Looking forward to seeing you tonight._

Hmmm. Well, that is a step up from just see you tonight, but that could be me reading too much into it. You know me… always thinking. Ugh. I roll over and start thinking about what I am going to do with my day. I finally have the day off and I know I have plenty to do. Call the insurance company back. Lord knows what paperwork they are going to need to get from me. Start looking at the for-rent ads to see what in the world is available in the area. So much to do. What I didn't plan on was the phone call from Kevin asking me to come into the district for questioning. Said that the arson investigator and Voight wanted to clear some things up. Lovely. Just how I want to spend my day off.

I walk up into Intelligence following Kevin to Voight's office. I see an older gentleman which I assume is the Arson investigator already in there. Kevin knocks to stop their conversation and Voight waves me in. Kevin goes to join the interview, but Voight shuts him down.

"You can leave the door open. This shouldn't take long. Sorry to call you down here Burgess, but I figure you could help us out quickly."

I watch Kevin walk away and then turn my attention back to Voight.

"I hope I can. What are you both needing to know?"

Voight leans his forearms onto his desk as he goes to ask his questions.

"Did you get any kind of notice from the landlord about early renewal of your lease, or about changing the rent?"

I had to think. There was that one letter.

"Yeah, I got a letter asking if I was planning on renewing my lease? I didn't think anything of it because my lease is up in about sixty days. I was going to send in for the new contract next week. Guess not now."

Voight shares a glance with the arson investigator.

"You don't happen to have a copy of it, do you?"

Great. Probably ashes. I had to think where I put it. I got it out of the mail. On my way to work. I didn't see it in my bag when I was at Adam's. Oh, maybe.

"I might have it in my locker, actually. I didn't find it in my bag and I know I had it on my way to work the other day."

"Mind checking for us?"

I spoke a quick 'of course' and then jumped out of my seat. I open my locker once I get to it and look up. Jackpot. Right there on the top shelf. I grab the envelope and turn to find Adam making his way towards me. He looks around and then finishes closing the distance. He places his hand on my upper arm and squeezes.

"You okay? What did they want?"

"I'm fine. They just wanted to know about this letter that I got sent about my lease. I need to get it back to them. I guess I should be asking them about getting a copy of the fire report. The insurance company needs it."

"I'm sure they can get you one. Umm…I'll be home late tonight. Is a late dinner okay with you? I'll pick something up."

Ok. Are we planning things together now?

"Um. Sure. I mean I can find my own dinner if you think you'll be that late. I can take care of myself."

"No, Kim. I want to have dinner. Ok? Was just wanting to check."

"You guys have a new case?"

"Something like that. I'll see you tonight."

I just nod. Adam goes to turn away but then turns back and pulls me to him. The kiss is quick, but I can tell that he wanted it to last longer. He lets me go and walks away. I nibble on my bottom lip and can taste him on it. What are we doing? I turn back to my locker and shut the door before taking the letter back to Voight and the investigator.

* * *

My head is killing me. I have my notepad in front of me and the list I am making on it just keeps growing. The insurance company wants a list of my possessions. Or the things that I will need to replace once I get a new place. It's so much. Laptop. Dishes. Couch. Chairs. Bed. Etc. Etc. I throw the pad and the pen I was using on the coffee table and just lean back into the couch. I've just put my hands over my face and I'm truly contemplating screaming when I hear Adam come through the door. 9PM. He wasn't kidding about the late thing. He's carrying a takeout bag from a place nearby. He heads right for the couch and sits down next to me. I can't get a read off of him. He's not happy, but he's not on edge either. Out of the two of us… I'm probably the more stressed right now. I can see Adam looking at the notepad.

"What's that?"

"I have to tell the insurance company everything I owned."

"Don't forget that hutch in your living room. That had to of been worth a lot."

Oh, God. It was. More sentimental, but it was an antique. My grandmother's. I can feel the tears come down my face. Adam's face falls.

"I'm so sorry, Kim."

He pulls me to him to hug me, but I don't want that. Nope. I need my mind to be blank. I don't want to think about this anymore. I go to kiss him, but Adam tries to hold me back.

"Kim, you need…"

"Oh, so it's okay for you to avoid things but not me?"

Adam swallows and I can see that he is trying to think. Nope. Not happening. I'm going to lean into him, but he beats me to it. He kisses me so hard that I fall back onto the couch and then he is right on top of me. I shouldn't have pushed him like that. I really should not have, but I'm getting what I wanted. Here's hoping I still feel that way in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Well, they kind of start talking. Kind of. Lol! Enjoy!

* * *

 _The loneliness within me  
Takes a heavy toll  
'Cause it burns as slow as whiskey through an empty aching soul and  
The night is like a dagger  
Long and cold and sharp  
As I sit here on the front steps  
Blowing smoke rings in the dark – Gary Allan_

I can tell that it is morning, but I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to know if Adam is here. Not yet. I'm not sure if I can deal with another post it note. I'm lying on my stomach and I can feel the sheets underneath me. I'm trying to keep my eyes closed, but they open of their own volition. I'm staring at the windows in Adam's room, so I can't see the other side of the bed. Then I feel it. Adam's hand had been resting on my low back and he is now lightly running it up my spine. I turn my head and see that he is leaning on his elbow looking down at me. I can't believe he is here. His hand is now brushing my hair out of my face and then he is leaning down to lightly touch his lips to mine. It is the softest of kisses which makes me feel like this could all be a dream. A wonderful, amazing dream. As he pulls back, I can see a confused look on his face. I don't understand till I feel his thumb lightly slide across my cheek. Damn it. I don't think I've ever shed this many tears in my life. It was one tear, but I can tell in Adam's eyes that it might as well have been a flood. He continues to stroke my cheek with his thumb as he speaks.

"I don't understand, Kim. Why the tears?"

I close my eyes briefly as I gather my courage. I open them again to see that Adam is starting to look away and his hand is leaving my face.

"It just feels like a dream…"

Adam's eyes have swiveled back to mine.

"…A bittersweet dream. Does that make any sense?"

It's Adam who is taking the deep breath now.

"More than you would know."

I can see such a depth of understanding in his eyes for that moment. We are on the same page on at least one thing. I take his hand that had been resting on my face and I bring it back to my cheek. I close my eyes and just imprint the feel of it there in my mind. I can sense Adam lying back down beside me and then I can feel his lips lightly touch mine again. The soft pressure is enough to make my heart ache, yearn for the one thing that I can't even hope to have again. His love.

His hand is now curling around my neck and he is pulling me as close to him as he can. I reach my hand up to the back of his shoulder and then I hear Adam's phone begin to ring. Adam pulls out of the kiss and then leans his forehead onto mine as he curses under his breath.

"I swear to God if that is Olinsky, I am going to take a hammer to my phone."

I can't help but smile as Adam rolls over to grab his phone from the night stand. I can see his eyes read the screen and then he is shaking his head. He gets out of the bed and heads for the bathroom. Well, now that is just great. Apparently, I am not supposed to hear this conversation. I get out of bed and head towards the spare room. Might as well get dressed and grab something to eat if he is going to go hide in the bathroom. I am just pulling a t-shirt on over my head when Adam comes to stand in the doorway. He's fully dressed with his jacket on.

"Hey. Why are you in here?"

I pull at my shirt to get it straight and then look towards him.

"I didn't know how long you would be talking in the bathroom, so you know. Figured I'd get my day started."

"I'm sorry about that."

That was it. No explanation or excuse or whatever. I just shrug and go to make my way past him. He doesn't move out of the doorway, so I can't.

"Kim. Come on."

"You don't want to share, Adam. I got it. Doesn't mean I have to like it or be ready to start whatever with you afterwards."

"Whatever? Really?"

"What would you call it?"

"Kim. I…"

I wait a second and then shrug and try to walk past him again. He grabs my shoulders and pulls me in front of him.

"I've just got a lot going on, right now. I… I've got to go deal with… stuff, again. Can we talk about this later? I'll be back in about two hours. Will you be here?"

"I don't know. I've got a lot to do."

I say this with my eyes staring straight at his shoulder. Adam's hand cups my face and brings my view back up to his eyes. His eyes are pleading with me.

"Kim, please."

He expects me to cave. Or he wants me to.

"Don't, Adam. Don't do that. Don't ask me to give when you won't."

I can see the internal battle he is waging in his eyes. He closes them as he tightens his grip on my neck slightly. He doesn't want me to walk away. His eyes reopen and they burn into me.

"It's a mess of family stuff. I've got to deal with it. It's my responsibility. It's not something I can pawn off on someone else. Look, I don't have enough time. Please be here."

It was something. I'll give a little back.

"I can promise to be here tonight. I've got to get a lot done. Work tomorrow."

Adam nods even though I can see in his eyes that it is not the answer he wants. His arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me to his chest. His other hand drops from my neck and it slides around my shoulders to hold me to him. I can't stay in the rigid posture that I have been holding. The feel of him around me just melts every wall I have up. I wrap my arms around him and return the hug. He holds me and then kisses the top of my head. How does he do this to me? How does he break me down with just a hug? He pulls back slightly and his hand is cupping my face again. Oh, God. I know he is going to kiss me. I know it and I can't stop it. The touch of his lips on mine is like a rough caress. As much as I enjoy the feel, I know we are avoiding the things we need to address. The touch of his tongue begins to push that thought to the back of my mind till his phone is ringing again. I can feel Adam's whole body tense up. He pulls back and out of my arms. He is ripping his phone out of his back pocket and is then answering it.

"What?!... I said I was on the way. I will be out the door in a second. Well, no offense you should have brought this up earlier. Uncle,… I'm sorry. Ok. Bye."

Adam is placing the phone back in his pocket as he looks to me. I don't know what to make of that exchange, but I can see that Adam is holding onto a thread.

"I have to go. Kim, I want you here. Don't ever doubt that. You are probably the only thing keeping me sane right now."

With that, he leaves. I'm left standing there not knowing how to feel about a thing. I just know that I have to move. I'll figure it out later. I have errands to run.


	8. AtwaterBurgess lunch

AN: This was supposed to be attached to the last chapter, but I needed to add some stuff to it. It is a bit of an out take to give you more insight into what others see. Plus, I love a good Burgess/Atwater scene.

* * *

I am now sitting in a booth at the diner that is up the street from Atwater's. I'm finishing the email of stuff that I need to replace, so I can send it to the insurance agent as I wait for Kevin. I hit send and feel a small sense of relief that I was able to at least get that done. Something in my life that I actually felt like I could control. The morning with Adam was still weighing heavily on my mind. Did not matter how many stores I went into, or purchases I made to put my life back in order, he was in the front of my mind.

I hear the door to the diner open and Kevin walks in. When I got to a stopping point in my day, I figured why not see if Kevin could have lunch. Would keep me out of the apartment. I may be thinking about Adam, but I was not ready to see him, yet. Kevin lets the waitress know what he wants to drink before he sits down across from me. I figure we will have a nice little lunch. Kevin apparently has other plans.

"So, how is living with Ruzek going? The man seems to have been in a pretty good mood lately."

Say what?

"Um… Fine. It's fine."

Atwater just starts grinning as the waitress places the glass of water in front of him.

"Fine, huh? Come on, Burgess. We were partners once. You can tell me."

"Once. We were partners once. You're Adam's partner now, so…"

"So what? Why you dodging so much? Oh?!"

Kevin's eyebrows were now reaching for his hairline.

"Stop."

"Come on, Kim. Please warn me if I am going to be dealing with this rollercoaster ride again. Damn. So much makes sense now. That stupid little smile on his face when he doesn't think I'm looking."

Ok, that was interesting.

"What?"

Kevin just looks at me like I'm the dumbest person alive.

"Please tell me that I don't have to explain what I think that smile means. I don't think I can handle the psychological trauma it will do to me."

I throw my wadded-up napkin at him and he catches it as he continues.

"So seriously? You guys going for round two or what?"

I place my head in my hands because I don't know how to answer that question. I let that go and then I look up at Kevin.

"He's been in a better mood?"

"Yeah."

"He's been in a bad mood?"

"Since you both broke up. Been worse lately. Why?"

"Why's it been worse lately?"

Atwater shrugs.

"How about you tell me why you want to know and I'll tell you."

"I'm worried about him. Your turn."

Atwater's shoulders bunch up as he leans forward onto the table. His facial expression tells me immediately that I'm not going to get the information I want.

"I have no idea."

"Seriously?"

Atwater is shrugging again. He really doesn't know.

"There's something going on?"

Time to back track. Last thing I need is for Kevin to say something to Adam.

"Umm… I didn't say that."

"You are living with him."

"Forget I said anything."

I can see Atwater contemplating what I've said.

"Look. I am not going to say a thing. That would be a weird conversation and I've done a pretty good job of staying out of the middle of you two. If you're worried about him, you are probably the only one that is going to figure it out. He's not going to talk to me or Olinsky."

I found that curious. Don't they talk about things in the car when they are doing surveillance?

"He hasn't said anything? Hasn't talked about something being wrong?"

Kevin shakes his head.

"No."

"Then why would he tell me?"

Kevin gets this look in his eye. It's a sadness.

"Because he wants to. Because he wanted to share a life with you."

I swallow a sip of water because I am trying to not get too emotional.

"That was a long time ago, Kev. I burned that bridge a long time ago."

Kevin just raises an eyebrow before responding to me.

"You so sure about that? He did offer you a place to stay."

I look at my water and wish for Kevin to be right.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Well, the build up is moving towards something. I promise. Adam's secret is going to stay hidden for awhile longer, but... doesn't mean that Kim doesn't have her own issues to deal with. Enjoy!

* * *

A place to stay. He did give me that. I walk into the apartment and as always I can tell when he isn't here. The place is too quiet and more than that I just don't sense him. I set my purse and the folder that I got from the real estate agent down on the island. I walk the bags of clothes that I purchased back to the spare room. The insurance company really needs to hurry up with processing things. I have savings, but getting all new stuff was getting expensive. As I come back towards the kitchen, I see that Adam has arrived home and he is staring at the folder. He is flipping through the pages till he realizes that I have arrived back in the kitchen.

"Trying to get out of here already?"

"I figured I should know what my options are going to be. I can't expect to stay here forever."

"I told you that you can stay as long as you like."

"I know. It's just information."

Adam sets the folder back on the kitchen island like it is tainted with something bad. He looks back to me as he is still fidgeting with his key ring.

"I can't stay. I need to run one more thing down. I was hoping you would be here."

"Well, I am. Don't want to keep you."

Adam shakes his head.

"You aren't keeping me. I was thinking."

"About what?"

"What if you stayed? What if you didn't look for a new place?"

I can feel myself beginning to shake my head, but Adam doesn't let me respond.

"Don't make a decision now. Just think about it."

"Adam, we have already blurred a lot of lines. I just don't know…"

"I said think about it. I'll be back later tonight. I promise. Do you want me to pick something up to eat?"

"No. I had a late lunch. I'll be okay."

Adam heads out and I'm left to figure out what to do with my evening. I find myself sitting down on the couch and turning on the TV. I can't think of anything else to do that will allow my brain to wander. I don't have the energy to do anything else with everything that is weighing on my mind. What I didn't expect was to fall asleep on the couch. Stress sure takes it out of you.

* * *

I suddenly find myself at a fork in the road. The path I am standing on is made of dirt and there is a forest of trees all around me. It creates a darkness all around and the only thing lighting my way are the stars overhead. I look down both roads and can barely make them out. The way to the left has a short grey looking stone bridge, but what lies on the other side of the bridge is completely dark. The way to my right is different. I see the same dirt path and the trees are blocking most of my view, but I can just make out what I think is a wooden roof. As I begin to really look at the two options before me, I instinctively choose to head to my right. As I make my way past the trees that were blocking my view, I feel my foot make contact with a wooden board that makes up the base of a covered wooden bridge. As I take my second step, the sides of the bridge go up in flames. It lights my way as it also seems to be telling me that it is only a temporary option. I look at the other direction and I can see the cold grey stone and concrete bridge but that path is still dark and without indication as what it leads to. I look back in the way I was headed as the wooden bridge I am on begins to shake. I can see flowers and trees and a field that is beautiful to behold on the other side, but the fire on that bridge is growing higher. Do I risk it? Then I see him. Adam is at the other end of the bridge. He's standing there with his hand stretched out in my direction. Terror goes through my heart when I realize that I might not be able to make it. The flames are hot and I can feel them heating my skin to the point of pain. Do I run for it? I begin to take a step forward when suddenly I feel like I am starting to fall through the bridge, but then I am floating upward. I want to scream, but my voice is gone. Instead of smoke, I can smell the woodsy scent of Adam's cologne in my nose and I feel the strength of his arms carrying me. My eyes finally begin to open and I realize that I am really being carried by Adam and I am no longer on that burning bridge. I'm groggy as hell and can barely keep my eyes open. Adam continues to carry me down the hall and right into his room. He sets me down on the bed and begins to pull off my shoes that I must have left on when I sat down on the couch. He's pulling the sheet up over me when he leans down to brush my hair out of my face. I can tell that he is surprised to see my eyes open. I hold his hand to my face and close my eyes.

"Don't go."

I know my words were barely even a whisper, but he must have heard them. I can hear him kicking off his shoes and then he is pulling the sheet back and getting in next to me. He pulls me into his arms and begins to rub my back. I wrap my arms around him and bury my nose into his neck. I can feel sleep pulling me back under as Adam continues to rub his hand up and down my back.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN:** Well, as I expected, life has gotten a bit crazy. So sorry for the delay, but it could not be helped. I can not believe that the CPD fall finale is next week. Crazy! It will be the new year before we know it. Hope you like this chapter. :) Enjoy!

* * *

 _"Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge." – Don Henley_

I wake up feeling amazing and grody all at the same time. Amazing because I am still being held in Adam's arms, but grody because I slept in my clothes. Yuck. I mean it really is not a great feeling. I'm amazed I didn't kick the sheet off last night. What I apparently did do last night was find a way to snake my hand under Adam's shirt so it was in contact with his skin. I guess my sleeping self has no problem trying to undress him. Well, then again, my waking self isn't much different. I start to pull my hand back so I can go to get up, but I have to slide my hand against his skin which I am guessing is what woke him up. Adam's arms wrap around my waist and he is then pulling me up on top of him. He's trapped me against him as his eyes open and they hold me in a trance. I see something in them in that moment. A small shimmer that almost makes me think that he could actually still love me. The small smile that comes to his face melts my heart. Adam's hand moves up into my hair and he pulls my lips to his. It's a deep languid kiss that reminds me of what it used to be like to wake up in his arms. He rolls us over so that I am now underneath him and the press of his body into mine makes my whole being warm in anticipation of what could come. Adam pulls back slightly and then kisses my neck right below my ear. His mouth makes its way up to the shell of my ear and he takes it in his teeth before kissing it.

"You have over an hour before your alarm is supposed to go off."

I hadn't even thought to look at my phone yet and honestly the time is the last thing on my mind. Adam is moving his hand up under my shirt to lightly caress my side as he continues to kiss along my ear.

"We could go back to sleep or…"

He lets his sentence trail off and I know exactly what the 'or' is. I move my head to take his lips, but he pulls back just enough to keep me from that. I can see that playful smile on his face that I haven't seen for ages.

"So… option 2?"

I go to pinch his side but his elbow quickly blocks my hand. His lips take mine and I quickly decide that there are much better ways to get him back.

* * *

Standing in the spare room, I've just finished putting my pants on and am about to go to pick up my shirt when Adam swipes it off the futon. With all the time I am spending in Adam's room, I may need to move my clothes. I look up and eye him. He's now holding the shirt behind his back as he pulls me to him with the other arm. I go to try and grab the shirt, but he just turns to keep it out of my reach as he pulls me closer. His lips are close to mine, but the kiss I am expecting is not what I get.

"Stay with me."

"I can't. I have to go to work."

"That's not what I mean. Stay. Don't leave."

I look in his eyes and I immediately know he means it. The playfulness is gone and all that bravado that he normally uses to show that he doesn't care is missing.

"I thought I was going to get some time to think about it. You holding my shirt ransom for my answer?"

Adam brings his hand around from his back to hand me my shirt. I take it and put it on over my head while continuing to stay in his arms. I don't want him to think that I am turning him down.

"If I was to stay,…"

I can feel Adam's grip on my hip tighten.

"I would have some ground rules."

Adam's lips have somehow made their way to a breath's width from mine.

"I'd have to pay my half of the rent and utilities."

I can see his eyes begin to narrow. He's waiting for the rest of it.

"I…"

I don't know how to phrase the rest of it. Adam waits but his thumb is beginning to tap against my hip bone.

"I need us to lay out what this is. Or this becomes my room…"

I can see Adam's eyes take a quick swipe around the room. When they land back on me, I can tell that he does not like that option one bit.

"…And what happened this morning has to stop."

A hardness and a determination comes into Adam's eyes. He REALLY did not like that last rule.

"You're mine. I'm yours. Is that clear enough for you?"

My breath catches in my throat. He's never been like this. Never this clear or lacking in the dance he would play to hide what he really wanted. This was a confidence and a possession that I had not felt from him before.

"Crystal."

Adam is backing me up towards the futon.

"Good."

I can feel the backs of my legs hit the frame and it takes everything in me to keep from falling back onto it.

"I don't have time. Work."

Adam's lips take mine with a force that blanks my mind completely. By the time, he is pulling back from the kiss I can feel that my pants are already halfway down my legs.

"You've got time. Trust me."

Oh, I trust him. To hell with being on time. My apartment burned down. Platt can throw me a few extra minutes.

* * *

Ten. Ten minutes late. I don't think I have ever changed into my uniform so quickly or driven to work that fast. Luckily, the traffic light gods were good to me and it was only ten minutes. Should have been more. A lot more. Tay had seen me in the locker room and said she would grab the keys to the cruiser for us. She'd thrown me this smile like she knew the exact reason for my tardiness. She may be getting to know me a bit too well. I'm heading out the back to meet up with her when Atwater comes in through the back door. He eyes me and I suddenly realize that I have been smiling. Well, what the hell. I walk up to him and pat him on the shoulder.

"Round two."

Kevin rolls his eyes, but then the biggest smile comes across his face. He pulls me into hug and pats my back.

"About time. You find out what's up?"

"Not yet. But, I will."

Kev nods and then holds out his fist for me to bump it. Once I do, Kevin asks his next question.

"Where is he anyway?"

"He'll be in shortly. Said he had another stop to make before work."

I could see Kevin's eyebrow raise.

"I'm going to find out. I just have to give it a little time."

I leave Kevin and head out to the cruiser. Tay's smirk is all across her face.

"I get to drive today. Lateness equals shot gun."

"That's fine. I have no problems giving up the wheel for the day."

I hate this. I like driving. I hardly ever got to drive with Roman or Atwater. Going back sucks.

"Sure you are. I just want to give you plenty of time to daydream about your morning."

Ok, cheeks red. Bright red. Smiling. Yep, I'm smiling. Shit.

"Just get in the car, Tay."

I watch my partner finally open the door to the cruiser and I try to pull myself together. I look up to see Adam walking across the parking lot to the precinct. His face tells me that he is worried about something, but when he looks in my direction that all washes away. The smile he throws my way has me right back to that grin I've been sporting all morning. The wink he throws me before walking in the door throws all those old butterflies inside me into a tizzy. I get in the car and Tay is once again smirking at me.

"Geez, you two have got it bad. I would have hated to be around the first go round."

I let my head land against the head rest.

"Just drive."

Tay is laughing. But, I honestly can't blame her. We do have it bad.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:** Well, I would like to say that Adam's little secret would be the first issue that our lovely couple would deal with... I would like to say that. ;) Oh, but them just getting back together without dealing with the past would be way too easy. I may paint Kim a bit harshly in the chapter. A bit. Or maybe it is the only way I can understand the messed up storyline that was Season 3. Got to fix what is broken in order to move on. Time to choose that bridge, Kim. Happy Reading!

* * *

 _"May the Bridges I Burn Light the Way" - Unknown_

I realize that Adam and I still had things to deal with. Issues. A whole clown car full of them. I wasn't focused on that when he finally got home that night. I was enjoying the moment. Living for the day. I was full on smiling as we were eating our take-out meal on the couch as the television had whatever playing in the background. I just did not expect to have to deal with my fun bag of issues that first night.

My phone began to vibrate on the arm of the couch and I glanced over quickly thinking that it would just be a text message. Um. No. Seeing Roman's name flashing across the screen that he was calling…again… was not something that I was prepared to deal with. I'd been dodging his calls. I could see that Adam was waiting to see what I was going to do with my phone. I had a decision to make. Keep dodging both of them or deal with it. If I hide the call, was I being any better than Adam taking his uncle's call in the bathroom? Probably not. I picked up my phone and decided to just deal with the elephant in the room. If this was going to blow up, better make it now before I got any deeper.

"Hello."

 _"_ _Kim, finally. Are you okay? Platt told me about your apartment. What in the hell happened?"_

Well, shit. Thanks, Platt. Not that the man hadn't been trying to call, but I knew that the frequency had picked up the last couple of days.

"I'm fine, Sean. Not sure what happened. It's still under investigation."

At Sean's name, I could feel Adam tense up next to me. He sets his plate down on the coffee table and gets up from the couch. I feel my heart sink some because I know the last name he wanted to hear come out of my mouth was that one. I place my forehead in my hand as I try to concentrate on what Roman is saying.

 _"_ _So where are you staying? I'm sure hotel living is getting old."_

"I'm not staying in a hotel. I'm at Adam's. I'm living with Adam."

The phone is dead quiet. I can literally hear the music that Sean is listening to in his apartment in San Diego. I wait for him to digest that news and am about to turn around to look for where Adam is when Sean responds.

 _"_ _You're living with Ruzek. Really? What the hell, Kim? What in the world, was I? A speed bump for you two?"_

The anger in his voice was plain as day. No denying that, but I thought my feelings towards him were pretty clear when I did not follow him when he left. I've barely taken his calls since then and when I have they have been so strained that I don't understand the point any more. I take a breath and begin to rub my forehead again to deal with the stress.

"Sean…"

 _"_ _I'm serious, Kim. I told you that I loved you."_

Oh, that did it.

"No, Sean. You told me that you might love me and if you want to see yourself as a speed bump? Feel free."

 _"_ _Guess I do. You didn't come with me, did you? And you're back with him."_

"No, I did not. If I wanted to be there, I would be."

 _"_ _Well, I guess that says a lot."_

"I can't give you what you want, Sean. I was never going to be able to."

I hear the line go dead and I just place the phone on the coffee table. Well, that was just a bucket of fun. I run my fingers through my hair to get it out of my face and pull it slightly due to the stress. When Adam speaks, to say that I am shocked that he is still in the room would be an understatement. How I don't jump is beyond me. I just take in what he says.

"Why would Roman call himself a speed bump?"

How do I respond to that? I continue to look at the coffee table and not at Adam when I respond.

"Because I chose you and my life in Chicago over him."

"He loves you."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. The pain in Adam's voice absolutely kills me. I turn to look at him and that exact pain is showing in his eyes.

"He thinks he does."

"You don't think the man knows his own heart?"

"He's been in love with practically every partner he has had. No, I don't."

"What can't you give him?"

I look away from Adam again. When I say this, I know he is going to know the type of person I am. What I am capable of.

"I can't tell him that I made a mistake. I can never say that I love him or that I am coming to San Diego to be with him. I can't blame him for being mad. After everything… I would hate me too."

"You don't love him. You didn't love him."

I feel numb. I'm diving over the cliff. Might as well. I basically napalmed my relationship with Sean. Might as well see how strong this relationship with Adam is going to be.

"No, I did not."

I can't hear Adam. I have no idea where in the room he is. I guess it makes it easier to admit the rest.

"I used him to feel better. To try and feel whole which I knew was a bad idea. I did it anyway because for a time he made me feel special. He made me feel important when I did not. Because it was the closest thing to love that I thought I was ever going to get again. I'd lost you so…"

"You never lost me, Kim. Not really."

I turn to look at him now. He's holding a glass of whiskey which he looks at and then places it back on the kitchen island. His hands go into his pockets. When he looks back up at me, I see the last thing I ever expected to see. Regret.

"I love you, Kim. I've always loved you. I made the biggest mistake of my life by not making sure that you knew that. That you knew that I wanted to be with you for the rest of our lives."

"Why didn't you?"

I watch Adam's eyes close and then open.

"I was scared. Scared that I would end up in something that would turn bad. I didn't realize that losing you would be far worse. Seeing you with someone else was my own version of hell."

Adam picks up the glass and knocks the contents back.

"Thinking about you with Roman makes my skin crawl."

The look on his face is of disgust. This is what I was afraid of. That he would never be able to get over this. I look away. I can't see this part. I can feel the tears begin to fall down my face.

"But I did that. I pushed you there. Kim, I'm so sorry."

I'm in shock. Did he? Did he really just? I'm turning back to him and when I make eye contact with him he nods his head.

"I love you. I still love you."

"I love you too. It wasn't your fault. I should have had faith in you."

"I gave you no reason to."

"Isn't that what faith is?"

Adam rubs at his chest as he is turning away from me. He turns back and drops his hand.

"Can we just say that we were both at fault? I want you back. I want us."

"I want us, too."

Adam lets a breath out and starts walking towards the couch. I get up and meet him half way. Adam's arms go around my waist as mine go around his neck. Our lips meet and I feel like my heart could explode. He loves me. He still loves me. I can feel it in the way our lips move together. I feel it in the caress of his hands on my skin when they make their way under my shirt. I see it in his eyes when he pulls back and cups my face like I am the most precious thing in the world. He was right. I am his. He is mine. Adam lifts me up into his arms and begins to carry me down the hallway.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Adam's secret could not stay a secret for long. Hope this chapter is worth the wait. I have not had much time for writing lately. There are times for writing and times for living. Finding life balance is always a work in progress. Happy reading!

* * *

 _"_ _What is to give light must endure burning." -Victor Frankl_

The feather light touch of Adam's hand on my hip as his lips are making their way up my neck has me in a state of complete bliss. His touch is a physical manifestation of the love he feels for me and his gaze causes me to feel it in my soul. The burning joy of life is so clear in his eyes now. The way I am able to affect it shows me how much he loves me. When I whisper my own love to him is when it burns the brightest. I push him onto his back and roll on top of him. I want to see that burning flame now. I lightly press my lips to his and then pull back to tell him when Adam's phone begins to vibrate from somewhere in the room. I know this since mine is still sitting on the coffee table in the den. Adam groans. I kiss his lips quickly to take the look of annoyance off of his face.

"Don't answer it."

Adam sits up and takes me with him.

"I wish I could, Darlin'. I can't. You know this."

I know I am pouting. Adam makes this clear when he kisses me and pulls on my lower lip with his teeth. He shifts me off of him as he gets out of bed to track down his pants. I watch as he pulls his phone out of the back pocket. He looks at it and then groans, again. He hits a button which silences the vibration, but he is then throwing the device on the bedside table before coming back to me. His hands are cupping my face and his lips are kissing mine, before I can open my mouth to speak. As he pulls back to take a breath, I place my fingers on his lips to stop him from continuing to distract me.

"Who was that?"

Adam closes his eyes and lightly kisses my fingertips before answering.

"My Pop. I'm not having that conversation tonight."

"You can't put it off forever. Whatever it is about."

Adam wraps his arms around my waist and begins to kiss my neck as he speaks.

"I know. But tonight, is for us. I'll deal with him tomorrow."

He lays me down on the bed and settles on top of me.

"If you are sure."

He looks me right in the eye as he answers and that flame is burning bright.

"I'm sure."

* * *

The next day was a blur. Work was a never-ending cycle of calls and bookings. The last push of crime before the winter when most of the activity would dip. Apparently, even criminals did not like the idea of committing crime in the snow. I have been back in the apartment for all of five minutes when I hear the knock at the door. Adam still was not home since Intelligence was out raiding a warehouse the last I had heard when leaving the district. I make my way to the door and open it to find Adam's Dad standing on the other side.

"Kim, it's nice to see you, again. Is Adam home?"

Well, now this is awkward. Especially since the last time I saw him is still fresh in my mind.

"Mr. Ruzek… Um, Adam is still at work."

"Call me Bob, please. Do you mind if I come in? I assume that my son will be heading here after work."

Is he really going to wait all that time? It could be hours.

"Um…ok. It might be awhile."

I step back and allow Adam's dad to make his way into the apartment.

"That's okay. Figure it will be more comfortable in here than to wait in my car. I'm not going anywhere till he and I talk."

Uh oh! Great. I start to contemplate whether I should send Adam a heads-up text as I head over towards the refrigerator and get a beer out of it. I hold the beer out towards Bob and he takes what I am offering. I get my own and lean back against the counter. Bob sits down on one of the stools that line the kitchen counter. He takes a sip of the beer and I can feel him trying to read me even. I am trying to rack my brain for something to say to avoid anything that we shouldn't talk about, but I wasn't fast enough.

"So tell me, Kim. What do you think about Adam taking on all his mother's expenses? Especially, when she has a family that could be helping."

OK. Um, so don't know how to deal with that question. Thank God, Adam saved me from that. The door to the apartment opens and Adam walks in. He sees his Dad and the smile that had been on his face falls.

"Pop."

"Son, we will be having that talk now."

I set my beer down on the counter and walk up to Adam.

"I'll head out and give you two a chance to talk."

I can hear Bob clear his throat.

"I can assume that she is living here now. Don't you think she has a right to know what is going on? I asked her a question and your girlfriend does not have a good poker face. This will affect her to."

Adam wraps an arm around my shoulders and holds me there.

"That is true, Pop. I had planned on doing that tonight. Thank you so much for sticking your nose in something that wasn't your place to do so. If you don't mind, I'd like to do that without you breathing down my neck."

"I came here to talk to you."

"No, you came here to try and tell me what to do. We will have that conversation later. I would like to be able to talk to Kim now."

Bob gets up from the stool and he walks up to us.

"Call me, Adam. Or I will be here again tomorrow."

I watch as Adam's father walks out the door. Once he is gone, Adam wraps his other arm around me and rests his lips on my forehead. When he pulls back, I can see the deepest form of sadness in his eyes.

"How long was he here?"

"Not too long."

"What did he ask you?"

I swallow because I know that Adam will not like it.

"He asked how I felt about you covering your mother's expenses?"

Adam curses under his breath as he lets me go and turns away. He turns back immediately and I can see that he is gritting his teeth. When he finally speaks, I can feel how much he is keeping his anger in check.

"I'm sorry, Kim. I'm not mad at you. He acts like she is just lying about and not working on purpose."

"He also said something about her family not helping."

"It's not their responsibility. What he also fails to remember is that I have not really paid for a thing, yet. I have access to my mother's bank account so I've been using that. I swear he thinks that she is completely irresponsible and had no savings."

The stress is written all across Adam's face. I've never seen him this stressed out.

"Adam, what is going on? Why are you dealing with your mother's finances?"

Adam looks up towards the ceiling like he is looking for the answer to my question. When he looks back to me, his eyes are filled with a pain that splits my heart right down the middle.

"Adam?"

"Because, she can't. Because, she got sick."

I should say something, but no words come to mind to express the emotion I am feeling. I walk up and wrap my arms around him. He tucks my head under his chin, but then buries his nose in my hair. His voice is muffled by this, but I understand every word.

"I've been trying to do what Olinsky does. Leave family matters at home and work at work. It's not working."

"You aren't Olinsky, Adam. Thank God for that. But, I really don't think that philosophy has worked all that well for him either."

"I didn't want to worry you. You've had enough on your plate."

"I was already worried."

Adam pulls back and looks down into my eyes.

"I'm supposed to meet my cousin tonight. She's going to give us an update."

I guess my confusion is written all over my face.

"She's a nurse at Chicago Med. I was hoping that you would go with me. I'm not sure I can handle what she might tell me alone."

I place my hand on Adam's cheek and nod my head.

"Of course. When do we need to leave?"

"Now."


	13. Chapter 13

**AN:** Well, once again the holidays among other things are keeping me from writing regularly. I guess I will admit that I am also dealing with a bit of writer's block. Not so much as to where I want this story to go. I basically have an idea of that... it is more trying to find the courage to start a different project that has been bouncing around in my brain for years. Something that I will never end up posting here since it is an original work, but it is quite personal and I know it will take up a great deal of time once I start it. I am trying to shoot for the new year as a goal to start since I know I will most likely have more free time then. I guess I mention it to let all of you know that if I disappear for a while it is not because I don't want to finish this story or that I have left the fandom. (How could I? It sounds like things could be getting really good.) I also want to thank all of you that have commented and extended encouragement as I have written my stories. I would not even be contemplating this project if not for all of you! I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

 _"She burned too bright for this world." – Emily Bronte_

When we arrive at Chicago Med, Adam takes me straight to the elevators. We head up to one of the higher floors and when we get off… I don't know what to think. It's one of the step-down units from the ICU and there is only one patient per room. I've learned from hanging out at Molly's with Dr. Halstead and his friends that this is not good. Adam walks up to the nurse's station and one of them points in the direction of a room that is away from the patient care area. Adam nods and then grabs my hand to lead me in that direction. We walk into what looks like a small conference room and Adam pulls out a chair for me at the table. I sit down only because he wants me to. The room is empty except for the table and about five chairs. It looks like they have a smart board, but it is powered down. Adam pulls out the chair next to me and sits down. He takes my hand and threads his fingers through mine. I take a breath before I open my mouth.

"I am guessing she is meeting us here."

"Yes."

"What happened?"

I can see Adam take a deep breath as he is trying to gather his thoughts.

"My Mom had surgery at an outpatient center. It was supposed to be minor. So, minor that she didn't even tell me that she was having it done. She had my uncle take her and pick her up. She developed an infection, but apparently never told anyone that she was having issues. Even her doctor missed it at the follow up or he didn't think it was that serious. It's bad. Cate says it's a form of Staph. They've been trying to fight it, but it got in her blood stream. She's been on a ventilator and up in ICU till recently. She's been a little better the last few days. Hasn't been relying on the vent, so they moved her to the step down. She's aware, but she doesn't talk. Not sure what Cate will tell us today. I've been here in the mornings. I wasn't at work. I'm sorry I lied about that. As I said, I just didn't want you to worry."

I place my free hand over our clasped ones and I lean down to get Adam's eyes to connect with mine.

"You were here at night, too. Right? When your cousin texted you and after work that one day. Yes, I would have worried. But as I said, I was already worried."

He gave what I can only describe as an ironic smile.

"Yeah. The empty bottles. I haven't been spending much time in my apartment lately. I've been eating out or here at the hospital. Haven't needed to take the trash out much since all that was landing in there was the occasional beer bottle. I guess that would make me look like an alcoholic."

"Just a little."

I see the first true smile on Adam's face until the door to the room begins to open. I look up and see a tall blond woman in dark blue scrubs walk into the room. I immediately know that this is Cate. She looks like Adam. I may have never met her before today, but I can tell that whatever she is going to tell him is not good. I feel Adam let go of my hand and get up from the chair. He walks away from Cate and from me. He is facing the wall when Cate begins to speak.

"I'm so sorry, Adam. We got the blood work back. There hasn't been any change."

I have no idea what they may have been hoping for or what that means exactly. I do know that Adam isn't moving or responding. I get up from my chair and I walk up to him. I place my hand on his back and he turns his head towards me. I know now where the desperation and the depression have been coming from. I see it now in his eyes. I wrap my arms around him and just try and hold him. He doesn't move for a second, but then he pulls me closer and tucks me into his side. He just holds me and I can sense that Cate is giving us a minute to deal with this news. I can feel Adam take a deep breath and then he is turning us, so he can look at Cate. I go to let go, but he keeps me right where I am.

"What is their plan at this point?"

"We're going to try a different antibiotic and wait. Her blood pressure, pulse, and O2 rates are steady. We just have to have faith that she is going to keep fighting. You can still see her. She's still under protocol, but short visits are okay."

"What's happening with her insurance?"

"Um… they are still covering what we discussed. If she needs any specialty care afterwards…. we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

I can see Adam take all that information in as if he was detached from himself. Cate gave us a tight-lipped smile and then looks towards me.

"I'm guessing you are Kim. It's nice to finally meet you. I wish…"

"Nice to meet you, too."

I didn't want her to have to finish that statement. It couldn't have been easy on her to be involved in her own aunt's case.

"I'll be on shift for the rest of the night, so if you have any questions."

I look up towards Adam and he just nods to show that he heard her. He doesn't say anything once Cate is gone. He just continues to hold me for the next few minutes. When he finally does move, he keeps me by his side and walks us towards his mother's room. Outside the door is a cart full of paper gowns, masks, shoe covers, and gloves. Adam starts to grab what he needs.

"You don't need to come in. I just want to see her for a few minutes."

I grab a gown and follow the procedure that is written out on the cart.

"Of course, I'm coming in. Where else would I be?"

Adam doesn't respond, but just finishes donning what is needed. When we are ready he opens the door for us and heads in. I follow him and give him some space. He pulls up a chair that is in the room and he sits down next to the bed. I can see that his mother's eyes are open and she seems to be tracking Adam's movements. There are IV lines attached to several spots on her arm and from a port in her chest. There is a monitor next to the bed that is giving her blood pressure, and various other numbers that I could not tell you what they mean. I watch as Adam takes her hand and just squeezes it gently. He starts to talk to her in quiet tones about what is going on in Chicago and about his family. He is looking right at her as he is talking. Her eyes stay with him initially, but I see when she swings her gaze in my direction. Her eyes look hazy. I imagine they probably still have her on pain medication. However, she keeps staring at me. I try to smile, but I realize that she probably has no idea who I am. Adam finally looks back at me and then to his mother.

"That's Kim, Mom. I've told you about her. I know. You've wanted to meet her for a long time. Sorry, I waited so long. I know you're probably pissed at me."

Adam looks back to me.

"She likes to look her best when she meets new people."

"Oh, I'm just people, huh?"

Adam rolls his eyes and then shifts back to his mother who is looking at him.

"Don't worry, Mom. She is keeping me in line. Obviously."

Adam continues to speak with his mother for the next five minutes when her eyes start to get droopy. He gets up and moves the chair quietly away from the bed. He escorts me out as his mother falls asleep. We remove the protective gear and clean up as recommended before heading out to the truck.

When we finally get back to the apartment, Adam looks exhausted. I set my bag down on the counter and Adam's arms wrap around my waist from behind and he just holds me. He kisses the side of my neck and then turns me to face him. He tucks my head underneath his chin and I can feel how uneven his breathing is becoming. He is trying to hold himself together by holding me.

"Thank you for taking me today."

Adam kisses the top of my head and then leans down to pick me up. I look down at him as he is carrying me back to the bedroom. I guess he needs to make love to me to deal with the pain and uncertainty. I understand it now. He needs to drown in something good to deal with all the bad.

* * *

"Adam?"

We're lying in bed and he has me tucked right in the nook. That special place that makes me feel like I am his to protect. God, I sound like Carrie Bradshaw. However, there is a question dancing in my brain that just won't go away.

"What's up, Darlin'?"

Oooh. My nickname. I tuck myself just that little bit closer and then begin to second guess my question.

"Never mind."

"Oh, no you don't. Out with it."

I bite my thumbnail and Adam takes my hand to keep me from creating further damage to that poor thing.

"Umm… What were you fighting with your father about? Your Mom and her finances, but that doesn't make any sense."

I feel myself being shifted as Adam takes the biggest breath and then lets it out slowly.

"Oh, it was about Mom and her family and how I am making all the decisions when it comes to her care. He keeps forgetting that I am her only child. I'm all she has. Naturally, as the next of kin, I am expected to make all the decisions. Unfortunately, he fears that it also means that I will be paying all the bills if my mom's insurance or bank account runs out. He doesn't completely understand that it doesn't really work that way."

"How does it work?"

"Cate and the insurance department have been trying to help me with that. If my Mom's insurance quits paying since she isn't working and she isn't making payments… well, she will probably get pushed into a Medicaid situation or a number of other things can happen. I've been trying to pay her mortgage out of her bank account. I was able to find her login information, so she wouldn't lose the house, yet. That's really what he is mad about. The fact that I may at some point in the near future have to start paying her mortgage. Her bank account is going to run out soon. He knows that I can't afford rent and her mortgage. I've been doing the math and my lease will run out about a month before her bank account does."

"When is that?"

Adam is rubbing his lips with his hand. Not good. I know that tell.

"Two months."

"Oh God. Adam. You can't afford to be having me here. I'm…"

Adam squeezes me to him and then places his finger on my lips.

"Stop, Kim. I need you here. You are the best thing that has happened. I hate that your apartment burned down, but in a way, I am grateful that it did. I have you back. If I have you, I think I will be able to get through this. I'll be able to figure something out."

He kisses me at this point and I am almost breathless when he stops. Almost. I have to get this out.

"You have me. As long as you want me."

"I want you. Forever, if that is okay. Life without you sucked."

"It really did, didn't it? Let's try not to have that happen again. I haven't slept well in forever."

"Why not?"

"I need to be here to do that."

"What? With me?"

I just nod my head against his chest as I hug him. Adam wraps his arms around me and then kisses my head.

"Well, sleep tight, Darlin'. You have work in the morning and criminals don't take a day off."

I can already feel myself drifting off as he is saying that.

* * *

Post note: In case I don't post before then... I hope you all have a Happy New Year!


	14. Chapter 14

**AN** : I am so sorry for the delay in updating this story. I had part of this chapter done and I just hit a wall. As always, I had to start writing something else to get this one to work itself out. I will just assume that everyone is still coming down off the high of this week's episode. Happy Reading!

* * *

 _"Never burn your bridges till you come to them." – Clayton Rawson_

Adam wasn't kidding. Man, Chicago must have thought today was a good day to commit crime. Tay and I didn't sit still for very long. By the time our shift was getting ready to be over and we were turning our radios in, I was exhausted. I literally could barely lift my arm to place the radio in its cubbie. Yelling and the sound of a tussle turned my head in the direction of the back hallway. That was when I saw the commotion. Adam and Kevin were dragging a middle-aged guy in cuffs through the back door and that man was sure trying to make life difficult. Wait a minute. They were supposed to have the day off. What in the world were they doing here? I was about to follow Tay towards the locker room when Erin came through the door.

"Kim! Hey, you might want to stick around after you change."

"Why is that?"

"We think we have him. The guy that has been starting all the fires. Adam and Kevin tracked him down through a CI. I figure you might want to be here to… thank your man."

The smirk on Erin's face told me that she was well aware that Adam and I were back together. She was probably going to want some girl time in the near future to discuss how that happened. The 21st district was becoming quite the match making location.

"Ok, Thanks."

I made my way back to the locker room and changed out quickly. I sat down on the bench and waited. Tay had offered to sit with me, but I didn't want her to wait. It could have taken hours, but Adam came wandering into the room about twenty minutes later. The smile on his face told me that they had their man.

"You got him?"

"Yep. He's singing in there right now. I think Voight set a record. The guy was doing it for a real estate mogul that was trying to buy up all those buildings to develop the area. Apparently, you were living in quite the up and coming neighborhood. The letter you got was a hoax from the mogul to see how many people were going to stay."

I begin to close the distance between us as I respond to his revelation.

"Wow. Well, I hear that you and Kevin tracked him down. I guess I should be thanking you."

Adam's grin spreads across his face.

"Oh, I like the sound of this."

I get to him and I begin to wrap my arms around his neck.

"How about I pay for dinner?"

Adam's smile falls.

"After all I have to thank Kevin, too."

Adam dips down and begins to kiss me. Quick pecks as he then begins to tickle my sides.

"Dinner, huh?"

I'm laughing so hard, I can feel tears coming down my cheeks. Adam picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.

"We are heading home, so you can thank me properly."

Adam is heading for the exit as Atwater quickly gets out of his way.

"Yo! Seriously, you two?"

Adam turns slightly and I try bring my head upright so I can look back at him.

"Don't worry, Kev. Kim and I will find you a girl."

Kevin just shakes his head.

"I don't need help with that."

I try to keep my hair out of my face when I respond back.

"Then what's stopping you?"

"I just haven't found the right one. You two enjoy that. Don't mess it up this time."

I'm pretty sure that Adam and I were nodding at the same time, but I didn't have time to check. Adam was spinning around and continuing his trek to the parking lot. Time to go home.

* * *

If we thought that going home was going to continue our carefree afternoon, we had another thing coming. As I pulled into the parking spot behind Adam, I could see his Dad standing at the entrance to the building. I could feel my hands tighten around the steering wheel. Could the man not leave his son alone for a day? I quickly grabbed my bag and got out of the car, so I would be with Adam when he headed towards the building. As I made my way up to him, I could see that he was already gritting his teeth. I touched his arm and he shifted his gaze from his dad to me.

"We can leave. Jump in the truck and take off."

Adam smiled and then chuckled.

"That is very tempting, but he would be here tomorrow. I'd rather get rid of him."

Adam took my hand in his and we began to make our way across the street. I could feel him adjust his grip to be able to squeeze my hand tighter as we got closer. He was telling me in his way that he did not want me to leave. No matter what his Dad said or did. We both stepped up on the curb and faced the man in front of us. Bob Ruzek looked like man that was determined to get his way.

"It's time for that talk, Son."

"You mind if we take it upstairs. I'd hate to get the cops called on us."

I couldn't help it. I smiled. It was the irony in that statement. How would that incident report get written up? Officer from Precinct 31 was involved in an altercation with an Intelligence officer from Precinct 21 while a fellow officer observed said altercation. Oh, Officer A and B are related. Officer B and C are in a relationship. Yeah. That would just go over great! If Mr. Ruzek noticed my reaction to his son's statement, he did not let on.

We made our way upstairs and Adam and I both dropped our work bags on the floor not far from the door. His Dad followed us and then stood to wait for us to lose our coats. Adam was taking mine to place on the hall tree when his father began to speak.

"Adam, I really feel that you need to convince your mother's brother to take a more active role. He should be chipping in."

Adam paused with placing my coat on the rack and then slowly turned once he had taken his moment to breath. I made my way over to one of the kitchen stools and took a seat. I wouldn't leave him. Not that Bob Ruzek even seemed to mind having this conversation in front of me.

"Pop, Uncle Colin does not have to do anything. Mom has been an adult for a long time. Uncle Colin has his own family to take care of. I really do not understand why you are so worried about me."

"You're my son. I do not want you and your girlfriend to lose the roof over your head because you have some deep-seated need to protect and take care of your mother. If she is such an adult, she would not have put you in this position."

"Sure, Pop. Mom purposely gave herself an infection that would keep her in the hospital. Have you even been by to see her? I bet Ally forbid you to. Didn't she?"

"Leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with this conversation."

"Really? You were perfectly happy to try and drag Kim into it."

"That's different. This will affect her."

How in the hell did I get pulled into the middle of this? I tucked my hair behind my ear and cleared my throat.

"Mr. Ruzek, I support Adam in whatever he feels needs to be done. I respect the fact that he is trying to take care of his mother when she cannot. Not all families feel that sense of responsibility or love for their own blood."

I was actually speaking from experience. It had been a week since the fire. Neither of my parents had called me back. My sister had called, but had not even offered to give me a place to stay. She had been so wrapped up in what after school activity Zoey had and what her husband was up to that she had barely even paid attention to the fact that her sister was basically homeless. Mr. Ruzek was looking right at me and I could tell that he was not exactly happy.

"Responsibility and love are all fine and good till you end up not being able to afford to live. I would think you would be intimately familiar with that possibility."

"I would be except that I have family that is not blood to me. We take care of our own at the 21st."

I had totally not meant for that to come out harshly. Oh well. What could I do now. It was out. Bob Ruzek looked like he was going to address me, but thought better of it.

"I'm glad that both of you have that. Tell me this. What happens when your mother's bank account dries up? That has to be coming soon. What are you going to do?"

Adam's hands were on his hips and he threw them up in the air.

"I pray to God that I have that problem to worry about, Pop. I pray that Mom holds on. I pray that she makes it. You do realize that there is a strong possibility that she won't. What are we going to do? I guess we'll be moving into Mom's house. In the end, her mortgage is almost paid off. I, at least, know that she will let us stay there and besides the fact if she gets to come home… she'll need us there anyway. Are you happy now? You have my plan. Now, leave. And do not come back unless you have visited Mom and see for yourself what is going on. I do not care if Ally has something to say about that."

Bob Ruzek took a breath like he was going to speak, but Adam walked to the door and opened it.

"I don't want to hear it. This thing between you and Mom where you both have to put me in the middle. It's done. Out."

Bob Ruzek's stance made me think that I might actually see an altercation between the two, but a second passed and the older man finally made his way out the door. There was no goodbye. No last look. He just walked out. Adam shut the door after him and then threw the lock. He placed each of his hands on the door frame and just leaned against it. I let him stay there for a second, but when I realized that he was not going to move I got up and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind. I placed a small kiss between his shoulder blades and then I just rested my head on his back.

"I'm guessing all of that was about more than just money."

Adam's gasping hiccup showed that he was keeping so much emotion bottled up.

"You think?"

It was a whisper and not nearly as snarky as it would seem.

"I know. I love you. I'm here. No matter what. I'm not going anywhere. I swear."

Adam turned around and wrapped me up in his arms. I could feel his tears dripping down onto my head as they made their way down his cheeks.

"She's not going to make it. All he can think about is money and she could die."

I was rubbing his back and trying to calm him. He had me pressed so tightly to his chest that I could not move my head to even try and look up at him.

"Babe, you don't know that. They said they were going to try another medicine."

His hands were in my hair now and I could feel him pull me down as he slides down the door to sit on the floor. He was finally letting go of all that fear and pain. I made my way into his lap and moved his arms, so I could wrap him up in mine. I let my man fall apart right there with me to support him.

* * *

It was a few hours later that we were lying in bed that Adam finally spoke again. We had spent a good thirty minutes on that floor. We had both cried tears, kissed them away, and then physically tried to put ourselves back together. Making love on that floor had probably been one of the most intense experiences I had ever had. Adam was holding me and he had just placed a small, light kiss on my forehead.

"I love you, Kim. I hope you are okay with what I said to my Pop… about moving into my Mom's house."

I sat up just enough so I could look him in the eye.

"Of course. Where you go…I go."

I laid my head back down and squeezed him. Our future in that moment was so uncertain, but the one thing I knew was that we were not going to break apart this time. This time… the hard times were going to make us stronger.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Short update. Some one said that I was rocking them. Well, I just had to keep going with the flow. The chapter may be short, but so much ground work has been laid. Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

So much happened in the first week and a half after the fire. I moved in with Adam, fell back in love with him all over again, got him back, learned about his family drama, and stood up to his father with him. That's a lot. We probably made more relationship milestones in that week then we had in months when we were together previously. It should not have surprised me that the next month things would calm down some and we would get into a routine. Or not so much of a routine but all the craziness would leave us alone for a time. Adam still visited his mother, but her condition was not really changing. No better; no worse. We both did not know how to deal with that news. Do we get hopeful that she is still fighting or worried that the infection was just wearing her down? We figured out to take things day by day. Just like the day that Adam decided to talk with his landlord. I knew he was going to be having that meeting in the morning, so when I saw him make his way into the district with a slight grin on his face...I just had to know.

"Hey! How did the meeting go?"

Adam pulled me in for a hug and then kept his hands on my arms as he began to explain.

"When I let him know what was going on...he actually said if we wanted to move out early he would be okay with it. As long as we found a new tenant for him and he didn't have to advertise it. You know anyone that is looking for a new place?"

Hmmm. I was thinking. Tay was always complaining about her studio apartment.

"I might. I can probably let you know by the end of shift."

Adam's eyes lit up with hope.

"Awesome. Let me know."

When I approached Tay about it while we were in line to get pizza during our lunch break, I thought the girl was going to knock me over. She was so excited.

"It's a two bedroom? Really, for that rent?! Oh my God. You are both a life saver."

"I'm sure we can probably get the boys to help you move your stuff. You can't have that much."

"Are you kidding? In my place? I would have no where to sleep then."

As financially helpful as this was going to be... it also made for a stressful few weeks. Packing is not fun. Well, I should say packing up Adam's stuff was not fun. The man could be a bit of a pack rat. Or I guess I should say he had very little time to get rid of stuff with the hours he worked. That ended now. It was a bit of a relief to see that his mom was not like her son. When Adam took me to his mother's house with the first load of boxes that he planned to store in her garage, it shocked me to see how well organized she was. You would think by how Adam's dad talked about her that she would be flighty or a complete mess. If her house was any indication, she was the exact opposite. Adam was still in the garage as I had made my way into the house. I was looking for the bathroom, but what I found was a hallway full of Adam's past. Baby pictures, sport shots, extended family, and candid pictures had all been made into a gallery wall in the direction that I had been told to go. My brain immediately got distracted and I could not walk past it. I took each and every picture in. It was a window into his childhood that I had not been given before. His early years showed the full of life smile that every kid should have. Two present parents with absolute love in their eyes for the son that was the center of their world, but you could see the shift as time went by. I came to a baseball picture that told a different story. Adam's Dad may have been present and his love for his son was quite evident, but the disconnect between his parents was obvious. How old was he there? He couldn't have been more than eleven.

"I was ten."

I spun around because I had not heard a sound to indicate that Adam had entered the house. I looked down at my feet in embarrassment since he had caught me snooping. His hand lifted my chin and then he looped his arms around my waist to pull me to him.

"You're going to be living here, Darlin'. There is no reason to feel guilty about looking around. My parents separated about 3 months after that picture."

I looked back to it and that statement just stabbed at my heart.

"Did you know what was going on?"

Adam sighed before he spoke his answer, "I knew they were unhappy. I thought it was me. In reality, my Pop was having an affair with his partner and till that week my Mom had no clue. I often wonder why she has that photo on the wall."

"What?!"

I looked up at Adam and he shook his head.

"Ally. My Pop's current wife was his partner when he switched to days. Needless to say, my mother cannot stand her. I'm not on much better terms."

"She's your step mother. I guess that explains some of the other pictures."

"You mean the ones of me sporting the angry looks when I was in high school? Most of those were taken when I was staying at my Dad's. He had petitioned the courts after the divorce went bad and got primary custody of me. I was not exactly happy about it. That's why all my school pictures I look angry."

"Interesting hair choices as well."

Adam was chuckling now. To say that he had experimented with most of the rainbow would be an understatement.

"Ally hated that. I'd stain pillowcases with that dye for weeks. I was probably not the easiest kid to live with."

The pictures taken in the summer showed a stark contrast. His hair was natural and the easy going personality was obvious from his smile.

"You said the divorce went bad. Is that when your Mom called in the bomb threat?"

Adam sighed again and pulled me back into his chest.

"Yeah. She was angry and she made a big mistake. Ended up costing her primary custody. She never forgave herself for that."

I gripped onto Adam's arms that were wrapped around me. It was amazing that he had any kind of normal relationship with either of his parents.

"They used you against each other."

Adam kissed my temple as he nodded his yes to me.

"No wonder marriage scares you. You haven't exactly had good role models."

"Not completely true. It can be good. My uncle Colin has been married for thirty years and he adores his wife. My cousins are the primary focus of his life. I guess I just worry if I have that in me."

I could not believe what I was hearing.

"Adam... there is no question that you have that in you."

"Then why did you leave?"

Deep breath. Time to be honest.

"That's my insecurity. I have a family that has other priorities than each other. My parents focus solely on each other. My sister on her family. I'm an afterthought. I call them. They never call me. I guess when you wouldn't set a date and Roman kept saying things that made sense at the time. I ran. I guess I was scared, too."

Adam's lips were still next to my temple and he places another kiss there. I turn in his arms to face him and his hand came up to cup my cheek.

"I wish we could have been this honest then."

"I do, too. Darlin'. Maybe we needed to be apart to grow. To learn how to do this. I honestly don't think I can be this honest with anyone else."

"I feel the same way."

I tuck myself into his side and we end up heading back down the hallway. Other trips needed to be made so we could finish moving in and then be able to help Tay move tomorrow.

* * *

"Is that the last box Tay?"

Tay's big grin made her look like a kid at Christmas.

"I think so. The boys are bringing up the sofa, right?"

I turn to look through the door and Adam was backing in the small love seat with Atwater bringing up the rear. Tay directed them as to where she wanted it and the boys set it down. Kevin came back to a standing position and turned to Tay.

"Are you sure there isn't any thing else? I feel bad taking pizza and beer for this move. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

Tay was responding to him, but I was watching Kevin. He was smiling. And ducking his head at times. Licking his lips. NO! He was flirting. It suddenly hit me that he was actually flirting with my partner. Adam came up next to me and tapped my hip with his own to snap me out of my staring. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and then whispered in my ear.

"Quit staring at them."

I looked back at the man I loved and raised my eyebrow.

"He's flirting."

Adam just grinned.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No. Just unexpected."

Adam nodded towards the door and I followed him out. Adam took my hand and led me towards the stair case down to the entrance.

"Let's give them a few minutes. We can get the beer and pizza."

"I'll text Tay what we're doing."

"That we're trying to set them up?"

"Noooo...she can figure that out on her own."

My phone pinged back to me and I laughed.

"What are you chuckling at?"

"Tay just asked me if Atwater is single."

Looks like we were getting Atwater a girl.

* * *

That night I came out of the bathroom and began my trek down the upstairs hallway to the room that Adam and I would be using. He told me that it was his old room which made me feel almost wrong in a weird way to be sharing it with him. As I came to stand in the doorway, Adam was already under the covers waiting for me. His hands were clasped behind his head and he looked like he was anticipating something. The smile that came to his face made me smile back. I couldn't help it. His smiles were contagious.

"Get over here."

He was arching his eyebrows as he said that. Did my belly just do a somersault? I smile as I look down.

"I feel weird."

Adam looked like he could not believe what I was saying.

"I feel like I need your mom's permission or something. I know stupid."

Adam was laughing now. He threw the covers off and got up to stalk up to me.

"Darlin', my Mom would probably be ecstatic to know that you are here. She figures that would put her one step closer to grandchildren."

"Oh, kids, huh?"

"Yeah. I'd like to have some of those one day."

Wow. He really wanted his own family. I could feel my heart melt at that point. I was such a girl. I could front all big and bad, but the idea of having this man's kids... puddle of mush.

"I'd like that, too."

That lopsided grin was back on Adam's face. His hand wrapped around my waist and he pulled me to him.

"Well, I guess we better keep practicing then. I'm glad we both agree on that."

"Good to have similar goals."

Adam's lips crashed onto mine and talking became the last thing we thought about doing.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Well, I was able to write this chapter before the week of craziness begins. Not sure when I will be able to post again. Hope you enjoy it! I'm pretty sure you will. Well, most of it. LOL! Enjoy!

* * *

Adam had been so quiet this afternoon. I had no idea why. Maybe it was a case that they were working on or the fact that we were going to go visit his mother after dinner, but he was starting to scare me.

"Are you okay?"

When he looked up at me, he actually looked genuinely confused. A easy smile came to his face and he reached across the table to take my hand.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking about all the dinners I had here growing up with Mom. She was a terrible cook. Made frozen meals taste good. She could bake like no one else though. She has a whole box over there on the counter of cookie recipes."

I looked over to where Adam had indicated and I could see the small box there on the kitchen counter. Part of me knew that this was not the reason for Adam's silence, but I let him use the excuse this once. Next time, I would hound him more. I got up from my seat to take my plate to the sink as I was reaching for Adam's.

"Thanks, Darlin'. I love you."

"I love you, too."

I got to the sink and began to wash the plates. Something was up.

* * *

Walking into the hospital room was becoming a normal routine. As sad as that was, I did not want to think about the alternative. I had spent I don't know how many hours at this point with Adam in this room. I had every angle and curve of his mother's face memorized. What features she shared with her son and which were different. Her eyes always softened so much when she saw us walk in. I knew Adam was the reason for this. She had very little reason in my mind to be happy to see me. Adam was now seated next to the bed and he took her hand to give it his hello squeeze.

"Hi, Mom. We got moved into the house okay. Don't worry. We will keep it up for you."

Adam had told his mother several visits back that he would be giving up his apartment so he could take care of the house. His mother's eyes had looked sad with the news, but she had still not spoken due to being back on the ventilator. She had a rough week at that time and her O2 levels had dropped which had necessitated it. She was off of it again, but they had not removed the trach due to fear that she would need it again. Adam's Mom began to narrow her eyes at her son.

"What, Mom?"

Her eyes ever so slowly shifted to me and then back to him.

"Yes, Kim moved in with me. I told you that she and I were sharing the apartment."

'Oh, no' was my first thought. She wasn't happy. Her eyes softened and then she looked back to me. A slight smile was on her face and I felt my held breath release with relief. She began to look down and then she looked back to Adam and glared.

"What did I do?"

Mom looked at my hand that was resting on the end of the bed and then back to him.

"Oh. I have it right here, Mom. I have been waiting for the right moment."

I was confused. I had no idea what they were talking about till I saw Adam begin to pull at the chain that was hanging around his neck. Then it hit me. My ring appeared at the end of that thing and my shock would not stay contained in my mouth.

"You still have it?"

Adam turned back to look at me. His eyes were filled with so much love that I could not handle it.

"Of course, I still have it. It hasn't left me since you gave it back."

How had I not noticed that? He always took his chain off with his shirt and I guess I had not been paying attention or even thought to look. I covered my mouth with my hand. I couldn't contain the tears, so I just let them flow down my cheeks. Adam got out of his chair and made his way up to me. I figured he would just stand in front of me and make it short like he had before, but he had another idea. I watched as he kneeled down in front of me and took my left hand in his.

"Darlin' I love you so much. I have never questioned for a day that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That I want you to be the mother of my children. Losing you only made that reality more certain for me. I don't ever want you to think for a second that you are not the one for me. I promise to try every day to show you that."

"Yes."

Oh, wow that croaked out 'yes' was far from attractive, but I really did not care.

"Darlin' I haven't asked you yet."

I was wiping my tears away as I answered.

"I don't care, because if you aren't then I am."

Adam's smile spread across his face as he pulled the chain over his head and pulled my ring off of it. He slipped it on my finger as he kissed the back of my hand. Standing up, his arms wrapped around me to lift me up and finally seal this all with a kiss. I'm sure he could taste the salt of my tears on my lips, but this kiss was going to always be one of my favorites. I was a bit sad when he went to pull away. I could tell that he was looking over my shoulder, but I looked to his Mom. She was beaming. I smiled back to her as Adam cleared his throat.

"Kim, I may have been a bit presumptuous."

Ok, that was a big word for Adam to be using. I turned to look in the direction that he was. The hospital minister was standing on the other side of the window. I looked back to Adam.

"I don't want to wait. I'm sorry that your parents aren't here."

I was already shaking my head.

"Don't worry about that. Yes, but don't we need another witness."

"We have three besides Mom."

I turned back and there was Adam's cousin Cate, Tay, and Atwater. I lost it. He had organized all of this. He wanted his mother to see him get married. He wanted the partners that I cared about the most to see this. Adam pulled me into his arms and he let me cry. I could feel him waving in the others and they did what they needed to so they could be in the room.

When I had finally pulled myself together, the minister began the ceremony. Atwater had brought rings that Adam had purchased without my knowledge. Ok, budget wise he was going to have to explain that one, but that could be handled later. I was going to enjoy every second of this. The feel of the cool metal sliding onto my finger gave me chills...the good kind. When I looked into Adam's eyes so I could do the same to him, I swear I fell in love with him even more. It was that flame in his eyes that I always look for. It held a new dimension today. A new light to it that I will never be able to explain. It was love, freedom, and happiness all wrapped together. His lips crashing into mine told me that we must have done and said all the right things. He truly was mine and I was his. As we pulled back to look at the people that we had to share this moment with, there was not a dry eye. Not even Kevin was able to contain it. I made my way up to him and wrapped him in a hug.

"My little sister got married."

I had to laugh at that. Adam had made his way over to his Mom so he could get her a Kleenex. He wiped her tears as she was just beaming up at him. The love between a mother and her son was never so evident.

* * *

I was just getting into the cruiser with our breakfast as I noted that Tay was absolutely beaming at her phone. I started to hand over the coffee, so she could take it, but she wasn't paying attention.

"Tay."

I must of startled her because she jumped in her seat.

"Oh, Kim! I'm so sorry. Here."

She took the coffee from me and I was then able to get in the cruiser with the donuts that we would stereotypically be eating for breakfast. I know. Sad. However, very easy to eat when in a car.

"Who were you texting with?"

I swear Tay actually blushed.

"Oh, Kevin was letting me know about the show that he booked for next weekend. He said he would put my name on a list to get in."

What in the world? He never puts my name on the list. The list meant that Tay would get in for free. Oh, Atwater. I now knew how bad this flirtation was.

"Wow. That's really awesome. His shows are so much fun."

I was just about to open the bag to grab a donut since I was absolutely starving, but work decided that I would not be allowed to ease that hunger.

"Unit 23, We have a robbery in progress at the corner of West and State. Offender is armed. Description to follow."

I dropped the bag and threw the cruiser into gear. Tay continued to communicate with dispatch as I made my way through the streets to get to our destination. We pulled up a little ways back to give us enough space to take in the situation and decide the best way to act when a man fitting the description came out of the front door. The man took one look at us and opened fire. Tay and I both ducked behind some parked cars and Tay was able to return two shots at the offender before he took off down the side street and out of our line of sight. Tay and I took off after him. As I was running, I could tell something was wrong. I felt slow and like my body was working way harder than it should have been to try and chase this guy down. I was keeping pace with Tay, but this was not my normal. Normally, I was easily able to out pace my partners. We went to round the corner and three more bullets came in our direction. Well, If my count was correct that dude should me out of ammo unless he had backup or an extended clip. I peeked around and could see that the guy was flat out sprinting down the street. We came around the corner and once again took off after him. Tay had been radioing dispatch and I could hear the sirens of another cruiser in the distance. We were getting close to catching up with him when my vision began to get black spots in it. The additional cruiser slammed on its brakes right in front of the guy and he hit the side of the car. Before the guy could move, Tay was on him. I watched as I slowed down to see that the other two officers were helping Tay out with cuffing and searching the guy. I was leaning over with my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. My vision was still swimming. When it began to feel like I was spinning, I knew it wasn't good.

"Kim?"

I could hear Tay, but I couldn't answer her. I went to try and look up. It was like a curtain was being drawn down over my eyes and my whole world went dark.

"Kim!"

I could feel my body crumpling to the ground and there was not a thing I could do to stop it.

* * *

Post note: Did I do that? Um, yes. Yes, I did. Pray that the time gods are good and I can finish the next chapter soon!


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Ok, short chapter. So sorry. I was actually planning on posting before this, but there was a minor family emergency. Luckily everything is okay. However, I have had even less time to write than I planned. I did not want to leave all of you hanging for too long. That last chapter was a bit of a gut drop from the high. Well, this chapter is almost all high. I think you will like it. I have actually been shocked that no one has even guessed this so far from the comments. LOL! Happy Reading!

* * *

Sirens. My life was becoming a series of sirens. The noise was so common place that as I was coming to, the sound did not bother me. It was the beeping that was annoying me. I pulled my eyes open by shear force of will. My eyelids felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. When I could finally focus, I figured out why I was hearing sirens and beeping. Tay was holding my hand in the back of an ambulance as Dawson was injecting something into my IV. Shit. Not again. That was the first thought that went through my head. The second was that I knew that I had not been shot. What in the hell happened? I could feel the oxygen mask on my face and I went to try and move my hand to take it away. Not cooperating. Ok, never mind. I focused my gaze on Tay. I knew my confusion was probably written all over my face.

"We're almost there, Kim. You'll be okay."

"Her stats are coming up quick. Good sign."

I let my eyes start to droop again, but then a thought occurred to me. Adam. No. He couldn't know about this. It took everything in me to take the deep breath that I needed.

"Adam."

His name was a whisper on my lips, but Tay must have known what I was saying.

"He's already on his way. He heard over the radio."

Crap. He was going to go out of his mind. I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. I let sleep take me again.

* * *

"So are we headed to Molly's or what? Time to celebrate?"

Kevin's excitement for us was palatable. His smile was big and he kept slapping Adam on the back as we had stepped out of Adam's Mom's room. I felt Adam's arms wrap around my waist as he pulled me into his chest and began to kiss my neck. He would look up between words as he was addressing Kevin.

"I actually was thinking...that you and Tay...could go celebrate...for us. I had another...plan for Kim."

Kevin threw his hands up and covered his ears.

"I do not need to hear this plan, My Man. You have fun with that. What do you say, Tay? Want to grab a beer?"

Tay had smiled and nodded her head. I watched my two friends head off for a minute and then turned in Adam's arms. I looped my hands around his neck and just enjoyed gazing into my husband's eyes. Wow. I was married. To Adam. I could feel tears wanting to come up in my eyes. God, what was wrong with me? I swallowed those down and concentrated on what he had said previously.

"So, exactly what plans do you have for me?"

Adam's smile had that lopsided quality to it when I knew he was his most playful.

"Well, It involves you and me and not leaving the house for the next two days. It also involves very little clothing."

I could not help but smile at Adam's one track mind.

"I like the sound of that."

Adam bent down and then scooped me up into his arms. He carried me all the way out to his truck like this. I believe he was taking this whole carrying the bride over the threshold thing a bit too seriously.

* * *

The sirens were gone, but the beeping was back. I could feel myself coming around again, but I could tell that I was stronger this time. Like the energy that I was used to having upon waking was back. Part of me wanted to stay in my dream memory of our wedding day, but something told me that I needed to wake up. I opened my eyes to the feel of someone still holding my hand. I knew who it was without looking. This hand was stronger and bigger than Tay's had been. It was familiar and the most comforting feeling even though I felt awful for how worried he must be. I turned my head to be able to see those beautiful brown eyes. I was not disappointed, but his worry was written all over them.

"Darlin'."

The relief that oozed from that word made me feel so bad.

"Babe, I'm so sorry."

Adam was already shaking his head.

"Hey, this wasn't your fault. We'll find out what happened."

I squeezed his hand and he leaned forward to plant a kiss on my forehead.

"Have they not said what is going on?"

"They're waiting for blood work. All they could tell initially was that your blood sugar was really low."

Oh.

"Criminal kept me from breakfast."

Adam was fighting the smile that I could tell was trying to spread across his face. Too early for jokes, I guess.

"We'll have to make sure you don't leave the house again without eating."

"I like how we woke up this morning."

Adam was shaking his head again.

"You are killing me, Darlin'. My heart cannot take this."

"I'm so sorry."

"Once again, not your fault."

The sliding of the room door brought both of our attention in that direction. I had not really paid attention to the fact that I was in one of the ER rooms till now. Made sense and seeing Dr. Halstead would have cleared any of that doubt up.

"Glad to see you awake, Kim. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good actually."

Adam kept gripping and re-gripping my hand.

"Doc, what's going on? She didn't..."

Dr. Halstead was smiling and shaking his head.

"She doesn't have an infection if that is what you are worried about. Really small chance of that. Particularly with all the precautions they have been taking upstairs. She won't be allowed to visit your mom anymore, but somehow I think you both will be okay with that."

I was confused. How in the world would I be okay with that?

"Kim. Do you have a tendency to have low blood sugar?"

Why in the world would Will think that I would be okay...Oh, wait. I'm supposed to answer that.

"Umm...yes. I mean they tested me several times growing up, but I always tested normal. Low, but normal. Why?"

"Well, if you already had that history with the added stressor... that would explain why you passed out. Did you not eat breakfast?"

"No, got called out."

"Kim, you should know that with being pregnant that you have to eat regularly."

Wait, what? I could tell that I stopped breathing. I could tell that Adam stopped breathing. We were both staring at Will like he had turned into an alien.

"I take it you did not know. I'm sorry. I just figured that with as far along as you probably are that you would have known."

There was only one thing going through my head.

"IUD. I have..."

I could see the realization come to Will's face.

"Well, that would explain it. I was already planning on doing an ultrasound to make sure that everything is ok. We'll see if it is still in place or if it came out."

"They can come out?"

Will was laughing.

"I'm sorry. It's rare, but yes. I'll give you both a few minutes and then we'll see what's going on."

Adam had not said a word and I was honestly a bit worried to look at him. I finally turned to look at him and he was staring off into space. I squeezed his hand that was still resting in mine and I could see him jump slightly. He finally looked at me and I could see his eyes fully. They were wet with tears. He wiped at his eyes and then got up and leaned over me. He paused an inch away from my face and smiled.

"I told you that you would be the mother of my children."

His lips touched mine as I could feel my own tears wet my eyelashes. They did not fall. I was too happy to cry. Adam pulled back as the door to the room opened again. Will was rolling in the ultrasound machine.

"Alright, you guys ready to meet the little one?"

I was shaking my head immediately. This was crazy, but I could not wait to see. I'd known for all of two minutes and my whole focus had changed. Adam was gripping my hand again as Will began to place the gel on my stomach and we both stared at the monitor and waited. Will kept moving dials and then there was an image. I could not decipher a thing at first. Will's forehead was all scrunched up, but then his smile spread across his face. He pointed to the screen to this small little thing. Will adjusted another button and then a quick fluttering sound came into the room. The hand that was not being held by Adam flew up to my mouth. That was our baby. Adam's lips were on our joined hands kissing the back of mine.

"I'd say by this that you are probably about two and a half months along."

What?! Holy crap. So that fire had done more than just bring the two of us back together. Through a week that I thought we had been through more milestones than was possible, we would be adding one more. Conceiving our first child. I could feel Adam smiling against our hands. I slide my eyes over in his direction.

"What are you smiling about?"

Adam just chuckled.

"I'm trying to decide which time it was."

I could see Halstead beginning to blush. I just shook my head. Adam was now rubbing his lips against my hand as he continued to look at me with a joy that was off the charts. Halstead was moving the wand on my stomach around and making the occasional noise.

"Well, it looks like you must have lost your IUD at some point which is actually good. In the sense that we don't have to worry about whether it would need to be removed or if it could have caused complications. As long as the rest of your tests come back normal, you'll be able to get out of here in the next hour. If you promise to take the rest of the day off and to eat."

"I promise."

I had a feeling that this would not be a problem ever again. I could see it in Adam's eyes. He was probably going to be watching my food intake down to the calorie. Oh, this was going to get interesting.


End file.
